Chemo didn't work, wait it did!!
Like I said in one of my posts, I had two horrible days. I don't even want to remember all the fear that I felt. I thought I was ready for anything, I was sure that my faith was stronger than anything else, but I guess we all fall and the important thing is to get up again...
Andy had a PET scan last week, so we found out on Monday that the chemo didn’t work at all, that the tumors instead of getting smaller were getting bigger and that the chances of “curing” the cancer were almost none... can you believe how we felt???? My entire world went down. We got home right after that and I tried to be strong for the kids, and for Andy. A day went by and still my heart was hurting so much. We tried to spend a lot of time with the kids, we put our Christmas tree up like every year, drinking hot cocoa, eating Mexican bread and listening to Mexican Christmas music... the day after we went and looked for Santa so we could take our year picture with him like we had the past 6 years. Even though we had an amazing time with the kids I just couldn't be 100 % happy...
The next day we had an appointment with an important doctor. She used to work with one of the doctors that is huge in the germ of cell cancer treatment in New York City. She had just arrived in Arizona and we were anxious to hear what she said, even though we already knew what she was going to say..
On our way to this appointment, we took a taxi so I could leave the car to my sister and my mom. We knew the driver because he’d driven us before and as usual Andy made a new friend and he really likes Andy... in the taxi Andy and I were not talking at all, just holding hands. The driver asked, “Why are you guys so quiet today? Is everything okay?” and I told him we got bad news, that Andy’s chemo didn’t work and the tumors got bigger instead of smaller.
I am sorry if you are tired of my spiritual experiences, but the reason I write them is because I hope someone in a similar situation to us can read this. I also hope that I can go back one day to this blog and just fill my heart and my kids with all these amazing experiences that Andy and I are having...
Anyway, after I told the driver about what was happening everything was silent and after few minutes he said, “I just want to tell you that I have a testimony that God lives (he is not Mormon). I know that he is aware of your pain... I know you think your trial is huge, that your problem is so big that you can’t even wrap your mind around it, but for God Andy, for God your problem is nothing, for Him your sickness is nothing, He is so powerful and so amazing that He can heal you easily. The doctors can tell you one thing, but God has the last word, I understand that you two feel sad right now but please, please don’t forget that God has a plan for you guys! I felt it since I met you. I feel and know that you still have something important to do in this earth and I know that today you will witness a miracle, you will see God’s hand right in front of your eyes. Have faith Andy, have faith Leyla... me, my family and my entire church is praying for you Andy and prayers are answered you will see.”
Obviously I was crying, we just told him thank you for his words, we got down of the Taxi and waited for our appointment. We finally saw the doctor, such a nice lady. She speaks Spanish too, and she was telling us how chemo didn’t work because the tumor was now 3.2 cm, so it was getting bigger because before it was 9mm (almost 1 cm) and the other one was 9 mm instead of 4 point something and I was like wait, what??? I perfectly remember numbers, I can forget about a lot of things (I really do, I am always forgetting things) but the sizes of Andy’s tumors are stuck in my head. I told her no way his tumor before chemo wasn't almost 1 cm. His tumor was 5 point something so if it is now 3.2 that means is getting smaller! I also told her the other one if now is 9mm it was 4 point something before so that means it is working! And his tumor markers (the levels where they see how active your cancer is) is also WAY lower right now, chemo is working! She was SO surprised and what had happened is that they didn’t have the last of Andy’s scans since it was done in another hospital...
Like my mom said, who is going to give me my tears back? It was such an amazing feeling, the driver was so right; we were witnesses of Heavenly Father´s plan. I feel so bad that I had fear in my heart, but like I said I am back on track. I guess what matters most is how you get up and how your faith gets stronger after you witness miracles, because for me that’s what this was. After we were told, “You guys have almost no chance to make it” to “You have 40% chance to be cured” That’s a huge difference!
We take the 40% chance to make it, I know that he will make it...
Today he started chemo, they ended up putting the PIC line in his arm to do chemo, he started this morning and he was doing great until this afternoon. He is so sick (nausea and vomiting) that it breaks my heart. I wish I could do something to help him, I wish I could fix him and make him feel better...
We will be at the hospital for Thanksgiving! But hopefully we can go home for Christmas... he will be having his second chemotherapy ( this type like the strong regimen) starting on December 29th, and then after that he will be having a second bone marrow transplant.. the doctor told us that most likely he will also be having a second surgery, but we have to wait first to see how these tumors are shrinking and if his tumor markers go down... they also told us that if after the bone marrow transplant the Cancer comes back, pretty much there would be nothing else that they can do. They are so straight to the point that it’s overwhelming. They told us if it doesn't work pretty much we will let you go home and enjoy whatever you have left. Seriously? It will work, he will make it, he will win this battle, he will raise our kids, we will finish that bucket list, he will and I will.
Today he is very sick lots of nausea and he says that this chemo is worse than the 6 that he had before... Please keep praying for him
I will try to keep updating this blog, honestly this blog is so helpful and is a healing tool for me.
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EN ESPAÑOL
No sirvieron las quimios, mentira si sirvieron!
Osea!!!! que cosas, como pueden hacerle algo asi a alguien? casi me muero de tristeza, resulta que el lunes tuvimos una dicta aqui en el hospital y nos dijeron que las quimios de Andy no sirvieron, claro que mi mundo se derrumbo, nos dijeron que los tumores en vez de haberse hecho chicos estaban creciendo, que definitivamente todo iba a ser mas dificil
Pero como? que? no podia creerlo, por mas que no quise perder la fe, senti que mi undo se derrumbo, mujer de poca fe me digo a mi misma, no que tan fuerte? no que confias en dios? me supongo que todos tenemos esos momentos en la vida donde dudamos de dios, donde perdemos la fe, donde caemos, pero lo mas importante es la manera en la que nos levantemos..
Pasaron dos dias donde literalmente no vivi, no podia creer que eso estaba pasandonos, que tanto sufrimiento para andy y para nada, tratamos de disfrutar el tiempo con nuestros hijos, pusimos el arbolito de Navidad adelantado nos tomamos la foto con Santa, comimos, reimos, bailamos para hacer q los ninos disfrutaran, pero no pudimos estar bien...
Antes de ir a que lo internaran, tuvimos que pedir un taxi, aqui en Arizona los taxis no son muy comunes, de hecho casi nadie los toma, pero lo pedimos porque le tuve que dejar mi camioneta a mi hermana para que todo el chamaquerio pueda andar comodo :) entonces pedimos al taxi, este senor ha llevado a Andy antes, entonces lo conoce, claro como siempre Andy hace amigos a donde ponga un pie... y nos subimos y nos dice, ahora si vienen muy callados, pues que les pasa? le digo es que nos dieron muy malas noticias, nos dijeron que las quimios no sirvieron de absolutamente nada! y que se queda callado, todo callado de repente empieza a hablar y nos dice, no tengan miedo ady y leyla, se que para ustedes en estos momentos sus problemas son inmensos, se que en este momento ustedes creen que esto que les esta pasando es enorme y no acabara, pero para Dios, para dios este problema no es nada, para dios su problema es tan pequeño, para dios no hay imposibles, los doctores te pueden decir mil cosas, pero dios tiene la ultima palabra, los doctores no saben que dios escucha oraciones, no saben cuanta gente esta atras de ti, para dios eso es pequeño y te testifico que hoy veras milagros pasar ante tus ojos, veras que tienes q seguir teniendo fe.. nos dijo mas cosas y claro que yo no aguante y llore como niña chiquita.. le dimos las gracias y nos bajamos
Tuvimos una cita de nuevo en el hospital, antes de que internaran a Andy, con una Doctora que trabajo con el inventor de las quimioterapias especializadas en el tipo de cancer que Andy tiene, para esto estamos en el mejor hospital del pais, los mejores doctores, la mejor tecnologia, por eso el escuchar de la voz de esta nueva doctora, lo siento pero no funcionaron las quimios, fue horrible, me dice la doctora, lo que pasa que el tumor junto a su corazon crecio de 9 milimetros a 3.2 centímetros y el de su pulmon de no existir a 9 milimetros y yo que? claro que no, yo puedo olvidar todo pero el tamaño de los tumores de Andy los tengo grabados en mi mente le dije, el tumor junto al corazon era de cinco centimetros y algo y ahora es de 3.2 y el del pulmon era de 4. y algo centimetros y si ahora es de 9 milimetros quiere decir que si esta funcionando las quimios!!!!! la doctora se quedo en shock, me dice pero como? si aqui tengo los resultados de los dos escanes, le digo no, no esta viendo que en medio de esos dos escanes Andy tuvo otro escan donde los dos tumores eran mas grandes, eso quiere decir q si esta funcionando, eso quiere decir q si tenemos posibilidades, y dice dejame checar, llamo al radiologo etc y si, fue un error ya que el escan el que yo le dije a la doctora fue hecho en otro hospital y ellos no tenian los records!!
En serio? como diria mi mama y mis lagrimas quien me las regresa??? pero una vez mas confirme ante mis propios ojos un milagro de Dios, su voz en mi cabeza no la podia quitar diciendome, ten fe Leyla, no te olvides lo que te he prometido ten fe, no dudes, aqui estoy contigo, pase lo q pase tu no dudes yo aqui estoy contigo, que razon tenia el taxista, cai en el miedo
Hoy Andy inicio la primera quimio de estas fuertes y horribles que le van a dar, super fuertes, en la mañana le fue mas o menos pero ahorita si se puso muy mal de asco y vomito, por mas que le dan medicamentos para controlar el asco de todas formas se siente mal, pobre de mi Andy, lo amo tanto, que daria por poder quitarle todo este dolor y sufrimiento por el que esta pasando, en serio de verdad, para los que no lo conocen, es un hombre tan bueno, tan trabajador, responsable, buen padre, buen hijo, buen esposo, buen empleado, de verdad no le feo ni un defecto, y no solo yo lo digo, Andy es un ser humano muy especial, donde quiera que vaya hace amigos, con quien quiera que hable cae bien, definitivamente la loca de la casa soy yo jaja, el es tan bueno que ni si quiera se queja en estos momentos, a pesar de su dolor siempre preocupado por mi, por sus hijos... solo se que todo este sufrimiento pasara y pronto todo podra ser como antes
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