Sunday before chemo...

Here I am. A day like today 3 months ago, my life was completely normal. I remember exactly what I was doing 3 months ago. My routine was working at the elementary school in the morning, going to the gym, doing photography and being a stay home mom, and in one second my life totally changed. 100 %. I am not sad or mad about this, I am actually happy with the 3 last months. Everything has been so fast, I don’t even know when the time went. For me, this has been just few days, not that I am used to our situation but it doesn't seem like that tragedy 3 months ago.

 But even though this has been fast, I feel like I am barely making it. I promise I am not complaining but at this point of my life I just feel like my body and my mind are about to be done... It has been such a rollercoaster of emotions. As some of you know, Andy was supposed to start chemotherapy, what we hope will be his last round. Last Monday, we got to the cancer center and the nurse told him that he couldn't start because his red cell count (hemoglobin) was too low, so he needed to get a blood transfusion.

 I was so scared about that, I just couldn't process the idea of having someone else blood in his body, I have heard about horrible stories and I was freaking out, but we didn't have any other option, so he did it. He was hooked up for 5 hours getting blood and after that we came home. They did another blood test and the day after (Wednesday) he was able to start chemo again. He told me, “I can't believe I am excited to start chemo!” and I was so excited too. Four exhausting rounds of chemo are about to be over, we hope. He started chemo and it was so awesome to go back to the cancer center. He has made so many friends there and the love that we feel there is so amazing. Nurses know him, the office people know him, the social workers, the patients, etc. You will always see someone there that became Andy's friend or mine So because of him starting late he won’t be done until next Tuesday. This weekend has been a hard one, not as bad as the other ones but Andy is so tired.

He has nausea and he was getting dehydrated so they sent a home care nurse to teach me how to put all the meds in his PIC line. My mom is a doctor in Mexico and I remember her on daily basis trying to make me help her or get involved in that field. I never liked it. I always passed out but here I am being a nurse for him and its actually not that bad. I actually like it now and I am getting used to flushing his PIC line and all those things that they are having me do for him. I also have to recognized two important and amazing people in my life.

This chemo week is always hard, especially for my kids. I am leaving them all of the time, they can't be loud and crazy and they miss their daddy so much. But seriously my sister and my dad( he came to help again from Mexico) have been helping me a lot. I see how my kids see my sister as their mom and it makes me feel so safe and so happy to know that even if I am not there, they are feeling love from someone. I love you Jona!

And my dad, what can I say? He is an amazing man. I am so grateful for everything that he is doing of me and my family. I see him taking my kids to the park every day, feeding them, playing with them and they love him so much. One of my favorite things is to come home after chemo and see Mia’s hair and he asks me, “Did I do good today with her hair?” And I say, “Yes she looks so cute!” But the truth is that Mia’s pig tails are one up and one down and the line behind her hair is totally a mess but the fact that he tries to do her hair just melts my heart. Today I couldn't go to church because the home care nurse came to make sure I knew what I was doing with Andy's hydration bag and PIC line

But even when I couldn't go, I had such a spiritual Sunday. As some of you know some friends of our family, the Laparra's, had a horrible accident. Laura was walking to serve at the Gilbert Temple and a car ran over her. She was in ICU for weeks and she was so so sick. Her husband, Gilberto, is one of Andy's friends and he came to visit him today.

We haven't seen Gilberto since before the accident and having him here was so emotional. I wish I had record it everything that he said to us because his testimony really touched m.. Talking with him, he said that he knew that Heavenly Father has a plan for Laura and for Andy. He said that he was so afraid and the test of his faith was hard, he wanted to get a confirmation on his own. He wanted to know that Laura was going to be okay but it took him days to really feel and get his answer that she was going to be okay. He said, “Andy, I never heard a voice. The Spirit never came and spoke to me. I never felt someone or something like that, but I felt my answer with all of the prayers. I felt Heavenly Father's love and answers with the love of people, with the help, with the texts, calls and all of the love that we felt from everyone, and yes I was afraid and yes I didn't believe that she was going to be okay but after I felt all that love, I knew. I got my answer and my confirmation that she was going to be okay. Heavenly Father truly knows what and why everything is happening to you and to Laura and He loves you. He loves your wife, He knows what she is going thru and He will never leave you. Make sure you guys write down everything that is happening to you guys so one day your kids, when they grow up and they have their own trials, can know and see how their parents went through this trial, how their parents were strong and had a testimony of Heavenly Father. Write everything down because this is the only way they will know how much you guys love each other. This experience is the most amazing thing that had happened to us because it got me closer to my wife, the love that we have for each other went to another level, the love that we have is stronger than anything and I know that you and Leyla feel the same way.”

My kids were in the same room, they were screaming and laughing and playing and even though they were so loud, I can tell you how much peace I felt in my heart. The Spirit was so strong in our house and I feel so blessed for the friends that we have. After that, I put my kids to bed and I went to visit Laura Laparra. As you know, I cry a lot. I am a very emotional person and when I saw Laura, I cried, not because I was sad but because I was so, so happy to see her. I couldn't believe it. I gave her a big hug and told her how excited I was to see that miracle, because that is what she is, a true miracle.

And after that I went and visited another friend Erika who was in the hospital very sick too, and she told me one thing that touched my heart, she said, “Andy's situation touched so many hearts, especially ours. Me and my husband were so touched for everything that is happening to him and I know that his situation is moving so many other hearts.” I came home and got everything ready for tomorrow; breakfast for Andy, his lunch, his medication, his clothes and everything that we need to go to the Cancer Center tomorrow. I was feeling so tired this morning, a little confused, a little done with everything but once again Heavenly Father sent me what I needed to hear and here I am, ready to keep fighting, ready to finish strong. I have been singing this song all day.

My sister, Jona, used to sing this song to me in times of trials, and every time I hear it, I think about her but today, I have been singing it and thinking about how much Heavenly Father loves me, loves Andy and He is telling me the same thing as this song. “Remember that I am here, remember that I am here for you, no matter what I will fight with you. If you are happy or sad, if you are afraid, remember that I am here for you.” It is in Spanish so I am sorry but if you speak Spanish you can cry with me LOL Thank you everyone for your prayers and your help and support.