Update on Andy...Saturday Oct 4th

Well like most of you know, we had an appointment with Andy's oncologist this last Thursday. He talked to us and said he wanted to send us to the hospital that same afternoon and have him admitted that same day... We talked to him to see if we could wait until the next morning just to make arrangements for the kids and get things ready and the doctor said yes.

We came here to Banner Desert Thursday morning, Andy had a procedure and they put a port on him to make things easier (last time at the hospital they poked him 15 times in less than 2 hours because his veins were gone!)

After the port they started the pre meds for chemo and that night at 2 am. Yes 2am they started the first kind of chemo.. He had this chemo going for 24 hours! Then this morning at 5 am they started the second type of chemo. This one is just for half an hour but 3 times today and then at 2 am a new kind...

They are hitting this cancer hard! The doctor said that today and especially tomorrow his nausea is going to be really bad... We are just grateful that we are here and not at home where he always used to get dehydrated from all this nausea stuff ...

 

As I was looking at quotes after the Lds conference today I saw this one and it describes Andy #ldsconf

He is being such a trooper. I was texting one of my dearest friends yesterday and I was telling her... If you see Andy you will cry.. He has such a good spirit so far, he is so positive and happy... He has been listening to comedian shows, watching funny movies and playing loud music in his room... The nurses said they love to come to his room because he has good music. 

I am not sure if I would be the same if it was me in that bed, but he is definitely teaching me that even in the darkest moments you can always make a difference if you decide to be positive and have faith.

We are amazed and grateful with all the love from everyone ... We have been getting blessings on daily basis... People doing things without even knowing us, people from Andy's work just getting together and supporting Andy, cards, texts, calls, and especially people telling me we are praying for you.. Kids coming to me and say we are praying for Andy... And more

Yesterday the HOA had an event at the neighborhood park... And Jessie Brown had this sweet idea of having this table for donaciones for our family... This brought tears to my eyes just to see how much people care for us... My kids had a great time and I love that they are getting the opportunity to see how much you can serve and help one another...

Speaking of my kids ... Ohh my kids.. My poor babies I miss them so much... My sister Jona and my brother in law Ben are such a blessing, they are watching my kids and I will never be able to thank them enough... Mia talked to Andy on the phone and asked him.. “Why are you so sick daddy? I am sorry that that owie from soccer hasn't get any better.” Poor princess she loves her daddy so much... And David ... David, David he is such a sweet boy, yesterday when I saw him he told me he wanted to come home and started crying... I know how hard this is for my kids but I also know that they can see how amazing their dad is. 

I feel so much better this week, my faith is back ... Not sure if you can say you lost your faith when you got it back? But last week a darkness took over my heart and it felt like faith was not even close .... But today, today is different, after praying and praying and after several blessings I feel okay, I am okay, I have faith in my heavenly father’s plan... I know he loves me. I know he is aware of my feelings and my fears. I know that he doesn't want anything bad for me and Andy, I know that he will help us during this difficult time, I have seen his hand on daily basis, I have felt his love through all the people, and I am here ready for this war.

That's what my friend was telling me... Leyla this is a war. What do soldiers do during a war? They fight, they fight, they fight ... They do whatever they have to do to survive, and especially they never give up... This is a war for us and we will do whatever we have to do to survive and we will never give up .

Andy will be having chemo until Tuesday and if things go well, he will be going home Tuesday or Wednesday.. He will rest for a few days and then we will be back at the hospital for cycle 2 of chemo and then we will go to the MAYO clinic for his transplant ... 

I will keep everyone updated

Thank you and please keep praying for him!

#fundraiser

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-the-moss-family/241998

ESPANOL

Bueno no haré la traducción exacta porque no tengo mucho tiempo pee tratare de recordar que escribí. El miércoles tuvimos una cita con el oncólogo de Abdy y ese mismo día nos dijo que quería que fuéramos al hospital y que ese mismo diablo internarán para sus quimios... Nosotros le pedimos que si nos daba tantito de tiempo para que pudiéramos ir a la casa y arreglar todo  y las cosas de los niños pues estaríamos una semana en el hospital. Dijo que si, entonces el jueves en la mañana lo internaron y le hicieron una pequeña operación que se llama port, en México no existe, lo que pasa es que con tantas quimioterapias y tratamientos que recibió Andy sus venas desaparecieron se desgastaron las últimas veces que lo estaban poniendo intravenosa a i saca su sangre le tenían que picar mínimo unas quince veces hasta poder encontrarle la vena... Esta operación lo que fue es que le pusieron un aparato parecido a un marcapasos ... Este aparato tiene como una m guerita que va directo a la yugular y esa ma guerita esparciera todas las quimios directo a las venas más importantes, ahora lo que pasa es q las enfermeras o doctores no tienen q ponerle nada en las venas solo en ese cuadrito le pican sobre la piel y todo el medicamento va a la yugular .. Bueno ya le pusieron esa cosa y lo iniciaron con los medicamentos para prepararlo por doce horas y de ahí esa noche bueno esa mañana a las dos de la mañana le iniciaron la quimioterapia, estuvo conectado a la quimio por 24 horas y le fue muy bien... De ahí luego luego lo conectaron al segundo tipo de quimios esa es más corta media hora cada una y es cada cuatro horas 3 veces creo, pasando esa hoy otra ve bueno mañana a las 2 am le pondrán otro tipo de quimios y de ahí no se qué más...

Si vieran a Andy les darían ganas de llorar pero no por lo enfermo que se vea o por q sientan feo sino por el espíritu y el  estado de ánimo que tiene, es increíble verlo así, yo me imagino q si fuera yo la que estuviera en esa caña yo estaría a la depresión a lo que da, pero Andy es un campeón es un guerrero, se la ha pasado viendo puros programas de comedianta y películas de risa y siempre tiene su música a todo volumen, de verdad lo admiro y amo verlo tan positivo me ayuda a aprender que en los momentos más sociales de tu vida hay que sonreír...

Sigan pidiendo por el, gracias familia 

Fundraiser link ...donaciones

A lot of you texted me and called me yesterday asking about the link of the fundraiser...specially friends of Andy (from work and High school)

My friend Rickelle opened this for us and this is the link

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-the-moss-family/241998

Para la gente de Mexico q quiera aportar, mandenme un correo a leylamoss@hotmail.com para pasarles la informacion o mandenme un mensaje al Facebook gracias!

*Picture by Jessica Downey Photo
*Leyla's hair by Tasha Scott

Andy’s cancer is back…

 

Well… I am not sure if this is true or seriously it’s just a bad bad dream… Last Friday September 19, Andy and me went to bed so late, we love to watch “our” Tv shows together so we couldn’t stop watching Scandal and we went to bed around 3 am… 

Andy had a soccer game the next morning. He started playing at this soccer league with some old friends and his game was at 8am far in Tempe… his alarm went off and he didn’t wake up, I remember I got up and told him, you are late for your game, and he said, “I think I won’t go I am tired.” I told him, “You should go and me and the kids will meet you there, they love to watch you play.” So he got ready and left for his game… 

Me and the kids met him there, we got out of the car and I was pushing Mia in the stroller walking by the soccer field when I saw someone fall playing, well he actually didn’t fall, a guy from the other team, the orange team tackle him and totally on purpose made Andy fall down… and he couldn’t get up… I said, “Someone got hurt!” And David my 6 year old said, “That’s daddy!” Mia, my 3 year old, started freaking out because he wasn’t getting up. Finally, Andy got up and he came to say hi to us… 

He said he hurt himself pretty bad, he had grass everywhere, his shoulder hurt and his hand was bleeding a little, but he said he was fine, he event went back to play after that. 

The day after, Sunday September 21st we went to church and then we went to my friends house (Emily Sanchez) we had a great time there, he was happy laughing and the kids had a blast. 

Monday September 22nd things just changed, he started having a hard time breathing, he had this pain that was getting worse and worse but he went to work like that. Monday night he couldn’t really breathe, he didn’t sleep or anything. He couldn’t lay down and the pain was awful. My brother in law Ben had to pick him up on Tuesday to go to work (Andy seriously doesn’t like to miss work) that morning. I told him, “I am picking you up.

We should go see the oncologist.” And we did. They were concerned and sent him to do some x-rays, the same day the doctor called us and told us that Andy’s lungs were collapsed. We were sure it was just because of the fall, so they say, you had an appointment for the 3rd week of October, we are going to move all your tests and labs for tomorrow, Wednesday, and just speed things up we want to know what’s going on… We went to the CT scan place, he was having such a hard time breathing, he had a fever and he couldn’t even talk, they did the CT scan and right after he was done, when he was walking out of the CT room he saw me and said, “I can’t breathe call 911.”

I was yelling like crazy, “Someone call 911”, the doctor (he wasn’t our oncologist because we went to another office) came right away and he said the same - call 911. His oxygen dropped, it was just a nightmare, paramedics came and they took him to the hospital. (not the hospital that usually go to) He was there for two nights, no one couldn’t figure out why things were happening, he had to have a small procedure to drain all the fluids in his lung, his left lung was still collapsed… 

Friday morning Andy’s oncologist called me and said, “Do whatever you can to take Andy out of the hospital, I need to see you guys right away.” That same day we left the hospital at 2:10 pm and drove straight from the hospital to the doctor’s office. Little did we know that our life was going to stop right there… The Doctor talked to us

“So we found two tumors, one is 5.5 cm and is the same one that we removed. It came back, and in ONE month grew 4.5 cm, the other tumor is also the same one in your left lung and that one is 4.5 cm… we have to start chemotherapy right away, you will need a bone marrow transplant and then you will have radiation at the end.” We will what? What did you say? I mean you are kidding right? Because it’s not funny I was thinking.. he kept talking and talking and talking (he is such a nice guy we love him) but my head was just not working right then… I lost it I totally lost it and started crying more than ever before, I was asking all these questions but I couldn’t even talk…

Andy wasn’t sad like I was, he was mad, he was FURIOUS, he was ready to punch someone, he was just mad mad mad… I have never been more sad in my life than Friday September 26… I had to calm down a little and went back to the room

. He is still with oxygen because his lung is still collapsed, but I am so very grateful with that guy that made him fall at soccer, if it wasn’t for that fall we wouldn’t find out about Andy’s Cancer until 3 more weeks, and who knows how big those tumors were going to be and who knows if other organs were going to be damaged… It is true that my heavenly Father loves me, he sent us to that game, he knew that we needed to hurry and find out that Cancer was back, this truly was a miracle in our eyes… 

Andy will have a biopsy next Tuesday September 30th, he will have labs and tests and a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, they will put a port on him on Thursday and he will start chemo on Friday October 3rd. He will do two cycles of chemotherapy, so this means, one week of chemo, each day its 8 hours a day and this is for 5 days, then he will have a 2 weeks “break” and then another cycle of chemo, after that he will need to go to the hospital and stay there for a bone marrow transplant, after that he will do radiation, so the doctor said this will take about 5 to 6 months… 

This time I am not going to lie, I am so sad, I am devastated, I thought I was ready for something like this, I thought I was such a strong person after what happened to us the first time, but I guess I was wrong. I am scared, I am so so scared, I am so sad and my heart hearts to see him go through the same and this time worse, I am so sad for my kids, I am embarrassed to need help again, I am terrified of everything, I feel weak, I feel small and I am not sure if I can do this again Andy and the kids need me, I know I need to be strong and keep going but I feel like I just can’t anymore… I haven’t stop crying since then. 

I can’t believe this is happening to us again, to my Andy I love him so so much I am so sorry that he has to do this again, like I told him I wish it was me and not him, I wish I could take all this pain away from him, I wish I could comfort him and make him feel better but I can’t. I know one day I will perfectly understand this trial, but right now my heart just hurts so very much.

I am grateful for all the love, prayers and support. I will keep this blog updated, so you can follow our family as we make our way through this trial. 

EL CANCER De ANDY REGRESO

Querida familia y amigos, justo cuando pensamos que la pesadilla habia terminado tengo que decirles que el cancer de Andy regreso. Estamos devastados, no entendemos por que? Y no creo que exista una respuesta. El sabado 20 Andy fue a jugar futbol y durante el juego recibio un golpe que lo dejo tendido en suelo. El golpe no paso a mas en el momento y el fin de semana siguio sin complicaciones. El lunes Andy comenzo a tener problemas para respirar acompańado con dolor. Esa noche cuando regreso del trabajo no pudo dormir bien. El martes fuimos al oncólogo y le tomaron placas de los pulmones. Esa misma tarde nos llamaron porque los pulmones de Andy habian colapsado y decidieron adelantar todos los exámenes que tendría la tercera semana de octubre. El miércoles le hicieron un CT scan y después del examen tuvieron que trasladarlo de emergencia al hospital porque sus niveles de oxigeno bajaron al punto en que no podía respirar. Estuvimos en el hospital hasta el viernes y de ahí directo a la oficina del oncólogo. Encontraron 2 tumores que están creciendo y necesitamos empezar la quimioterapia de inmediato (viernes 3). Ademas Andy necesitara un trasplante de medula y radiación al final del tratamiento. El golpe durante el partido fue una bendición porque ganamos tiempo para combatir el cancer. El doctor y las enfermeras están casi tan tristes como nosotros pero optimistas. Yo ya no tengo mas lagrimas y Andy esta destrozado. Se que un día vamos a entender por quė, pero por ahora oren con nosotros para que tengamos la fortaleza de seguir con la prueba. 

Life after Andy's remission...

WOW... I just realized I haven't stopped by this blog for so long... Honestly I have been trying to stay away from the social media, taking a needed break and just using it for business, but today someone asked me about the blog and I opened it and I started reading some of my old posts and omgosh I just can't believe this just happened to us..

 

As you know, Andy was told that he is in remission few weeks ago, it was one of the happiest days of our life, we are SO excited and we feel so blessed, like I said the other day, life will never ever be the same, this Cancer thing changed us for the rest of our life, we didn't lose anything. 

 

I feel like we just won in this entire situation but honestly it definitely marked our family... I never posted any of these pictures of Andy's surgery, he didn't want me to post them back then, I am thinking he didn't want people to see him this weak and in all this pain, but today I asked him if he felt okay with me posting them and he said yes..

 

 I remember those days, the "surgery week.” To start our "surgery week" we crashed our car in the parking lot of the hospital! Isn't that crazy? I remember when we did, Andy looked at me probably expecting to have a crazy mad face because I love my van (yes I love my van LOL) and I just said, ooh well there is nothing that we can do right now, you are having surgery today and I don't care about my car at all, my car still looks the same, we haven't been able to fix it but I can still drive it so that's all I care about...

 

anyways, that's how we started that day... He ended up not having surgery that day but two days later, and I call his surgery a miracle, an act of faith... The doctor didn't have to open his chest, they did everything on his side and they were able to take it all and no radiation?? And being in remission in less than 6 months? It truly was a miracle...

 

That week was so special for me, yes I was so sad to have my husband in an ICU bed, but I felt so good, so happy to be able to help him so much, as I went back in our marriage, I can't remember not even one day were I felt so helpful and so important, I knew he needed me, I knew that having me there made him feel good, I felt so loved and so blessed, every night in that hospital room, I felt honestly and I hope you don't feel that I am just preaching but I felt how my Heavenly Father was sitting right there next to me, telling me, you can do this, you can do this, don't be afraid I am here, you can do this.

 

Honestly now that I go back I have no idea how I did it but we did it... I never left Andy's side for those 5 days, my kids missed me so much but Andy needed me more I remember I slept in this little bench that they had for 4 nights, I remember the pain that Andy was in, and how much that hurt me, but we did it, we had faith and the very first answer that we had 6 months ago was confirmed again...

 

 

He is doing amazing. He is feeling better every day, he still gets so tired, he still sore and he still can't do everything that he wants, but he is so so much better now, his smile is completely back, I can hear his laugh all of the time, he can play with the kids, he can spend quality time with the kids and me, he is slowly getting back to normal and I love it.. Sometimes when we are in the car and I hear a song I instantly start crying and he asks me what's wrong? I say, nothing is wrong, that song makes me cry because I remember that they used to play it in the radio over and over when I was driving you to the Cancer Center and I remember every time I turned and looked at you and that picture of you being so sick comes back to my head, oh I wish I could forget those moments..

 

It changed me, sometimes can't sleep thinking about how my Andy was, I remember especially one day in particular when he got so sick, he lost about 15 lbs that weekend, he was throwing up so much not eating just laying there in bed, I remember that day when I looked at him and I felt so scared, so afraid, I remember the feeling and thinking please Heavenly Father don't let him die, he truly looked like he was dying, and it was the most horrible feeling ... I can't describe how happy our family feels, my kids, oh my kids, they missed him so much, they love to hang out with him, they love our family homes evenings, our little "tradition" of going to Sonic every Monday and singing like crazies in the car with the music so loud and mom and dad dancing and singing on the top of our lungs.

 

They are SO happy to have those moments back... My poor Mia the other day I had to go take pictures at a Quinceanera party, I came back about 1.30 in the morning to find her not asleep,I talked to her and she started crying and she said, please please don't go to the hospital again please don't take daddy... It broke my heart, she thought I left her to take daddy to the hospital, even my little one's life was so touched by this Cancer...

 

 It has been hard for me to go back to "normal" life, it has been hard for me to go out and socialize with friends, to go out to hang out or pretty much anything, I have no idea why but I feel like I don't want to and can't leave my family, I know I need to move on and just enjoy life but as of right now all I want is be next to Andy and the kids...

 

We have to go back to the cancer Center in few weeks, he has to get checked every 3 months, for a year, then every 4, then every 6, then once a year, I can't explain the anxiety that I feel about these check ups. I just can hope to stay strong and positive and like I said, enjoy every little thing with him and my kids... Thanks again everyone for your help and support in the last 6 months, we totally feel your love and your prayers... We love you and we hope we can give back everything that you guys did for us...

 

The other day Andy shared his testimony at our church, he said some beautiful words that I wish would have written them down but I didn't, all I can say is that he is such a special man, dad and husband... I can't believe everything that he did for us, fighting llike he did, I am so proud of him I love him and respect him, he is my hero and my everything and I can't wait to spend more and more years next to him...

 

 

A Timeline and details of Andy's surgery

Andy is doing okay... He has a lot of pain and he couldn't sleep last night. He was up since 12 and finally fall asleep around 7 am... He has oxygen, a catheter and something else to drain the blood from his chest. He is in the Cardiothoracic ICU... Why do we say that his surgery is an act of faith and a miracle? Well when we saw the surgeon at her office she said that she was going to do a Sternogomy she explained to us how she was going to cut his chest bones remove his nerve and probably cut a little piece of his heart ... When we came in for the surgery his doctors talked to us and they said that they got together and talked about Andy's case and they came to the conclusion that they were going to give it a try and operate just with the camera on his right side of his chest. They said pretty much don't get excited it is just a 20% chance that this can be successful, if it works we will just make a bigger incision to vacuum the tumor from his side and this should take around 2 to 3 hours but if this doesn't work we are going to have to close that incision and open his chest like we had planed before... When the surgeon came to talk to us before surgery I told her that a LOT of people were praying for her and she said, "for me? No, pray for him." and we told her yes for you too and she just smiled.. So they took him in... To be honest I lost it while he was in surgery, I tried and tried to be okay I prayed in my heart and I just couldn't get peace in my heart I was so nervous and so worried for him. He left me a note that said to read it when they take me in, so I did, and it was so funny how much Andy knows me because the first words in his note said Can you please stop crying??? Lol he knows me so good. We were waiting there. I took some time to write and cry, my mother and father in law where there the entire time waiting for Andy. We got a phone call telling us that things were going okay. We had to wait a little longer and then finally the Doctor came ... She said Andy did really good, everything went good we did everything with the camera and we didn't have to open his chest, we were able to remove the tumor the tumor was pretty big still (they told us this morning that it was bigger than they expected it to be) but they got it all out, she said they were able to leave his nerve intact and they didn't have to cut part of his heart. They are sending the big tumor to pathology. She said they are going to see if the tumor doesn't have any active cancer cells. Andy should be done with everything but if it does she said probably our Oncologist will want Andy to have radiations... She also said that they removed the other small tumor and great news it was benign no cancer in that one 😊 she showed us and gave us the pictures of everything and I have her a hug. I just had to. I started crying happy tears so many happy tears I was so happy for him to be closer to the end. I was so happy to know that my Heavenly Father hasn't left us alone not even for a minute. I was so happy to remember that all he wants us to do is be okay and happy. I was amazed with the power of prayers I mean just a 20% chance and it worked? That is a miracle for us not having to open his chest bones and being able to remove absolutely everything without damaging anything at all is an answer to or prayers. I am full if joy and happiness. I am so thankful with every single one of you that took a minute and said a prayer for Andy and the doctors ... After that I wasn't able to see him because he wasn't awake yet but it was such a happy moment when I got to call my mom and my sister and more family and my best friend and the great news ... After about an hour or so I got to see Andy again, he was talking here and there and he kept asking me if he said funny things. He was also asking me did you eat? Did you eat? Always worrying for me and the kids .. When the nurse came to talk to me she said all Andy is taking about are his kids, he told me David loves to play baseball and Mia loves to sing, you have a beautiful family she said... That's Andy a loving husband and dad that even when he is not awake he keeps thinking about us... We were there until 8 pm and then they moved him to a room In The Cardiothoracic ICU. It was sad to see how they moved him because he was in a lot of pain... He got some sleep for like 9 pm until 12 and then he couldn't sleep with all nurses in and out doctors, X-rays, labs and more... They gave him a pain button but they told me I can't push it from him so if he sleeps he doesn't push it and when he wakes up then he can't stand the pain but they said the pain should get less and less. Andy is such a fighter I am so proud of him he is doing amazing and I know we are getting closer to the end of this trial at least for now ...

Something else that hapend to me yesterday, I called my brother in the morning, he wanted to talk to Andy, he loves Andy, he always did, and he was so sad about yesterday, my mom told me Johnny, my brother, was crying a lot after Andy talked to him, she said he was having a really hard time not being able to be here with us... Johnny has been a little inactive in the church for few weeks maybe months, I called him again last night after Andy was done with his surgery and he started crying and he said you are not going to believe what hapend to me, right after we were done talking this morning I started crying and praying so hard and right at that moment someone came to my door, it was the missionaries!!! And I can't believe how they came when I needed to hear from them, I am so sorry that I haven't been at church I am going back this Sunday 😊 Once again I am so thankful that we are so close to our Heavenly Father, I can't imagine living this trial without him right next to us... 

During surgery

Well I am sitting here at the waiting area waiting for Andy.. and I am not sure why I am trying to write at this moment but I guess I need to get out what I am feeling right now, not sure if I should share it or not but here I am trying to keep things on paper so one day me, Andy and my kids can know about everything..

Andy had a good day yesterday, after they told us that he was not going to have surgery yesterday, he felt pretty okay about it, we knew it was the right thing to do so we just went back home. We had a long long nap and he got to spend more time with the kids. He kept David up until 10 pm playing video games and this morning he got up and play with Mia and he let her put some make up on him haha... Its like if Mia knew what was going on, she kept hugging him and kissing him all morning, right before we left we took some pictures ..

We left the house and we went over to David's school to say hi to him, Andy wanted to give him a dollar so he could buy an Ice at the school, David didn't know we were going so he was pretty excited when he saw Andy.  We took some more pictures there.

I remember that afternoon when we found out that Andy had cancer, the oncologist told us, surgery is a possibility, and here we are, waiting for him while he is in surgery...
I am not sure what to feel or what to think, millions of things are going around in my head, I am feeling a little afraid, a little nervous, a little sad, well not a little, a lot, I am trying to tell myself that he is going to be okay that this is just one more step on our journey but seriously, who wouldn't be sad while knowing that they are opening your husband and messing around with his heart...who can be okay knowing that they will cut a part of his lungs, I know that a lot of people in the world do this, but Andy, my Andy...
I need to trust what I was promised. I need to remember that he is going to be okay but right now all I feel is scared, afraid.

Like I told him, I feel so sorry that he has to do this, I love him so so much that I wish it was me the one that was on that table right now, I love him with all of my heart and I couldn't let go of his hand, I think I was holding his hand for the past 2 hours I didn't want to let it go I just want to see him and tell him how much I love him..

Andy and me had such a hard time right before we got married, some of you don't know but Andy did his mission in Mexico and that's where we met, so when he was done with his mission, we saw each other in Salt Lake City, Utah, and the very first day that we saw each other, right then, at the very first time that we were able to sit next to each other, he looked at my eyes and asked me if I wanted to get married to him, and right that moment, without thinking, I told him yes, what were we thinking - who knows, but we felt that it was the right thing to do, he told me, I have been praying about it and I had my answer, I want to spend the eternity with you and all he had was a CTR ring with him and that's all we needed, we hadn't even had our first kiss right at that point but we didn't need to kiss, we didn't need a ring, we knew that we were meant for each other and that's how everything started.. It took us a year to get married and it was such a hard year, for different reasons but a lot of people didn't want us to get married and now I understand why, I mean what a crazy idea, get married with someone that you don't know? True love like Ana from frozen said, but it can really happen, it happened to me , and Andy was so strong with his decision, he always knew that he wanted to get married to me and he didn't care about comments or disappointment he decided to fight strong and get married to me, and after a year we did, we got married and I can tell you that it was the easiest decision that we have ever made... We have been so happy together, we are the kind of couple that can't be apart from each other, we are always laughing together, watching our crazy TV shows together, we love to spend time with each other, and I am so grateful to have him with me, he really is such a good guy...

Last Sunday at church they were talking about trials, they were saying trials are here for a reason, is not just that Heavenly Father wants to make you sad or wants you to suffer, trials have a purpose and one of them is to teach you what you were suppose to learn here on earth, trials are here to make you complete, to make you stronger, to make you smarter, to make you kind but the most important here, trials are here with the promise that if you are strong and live them you will be back with our Heavenly Father one day...
I am here living the hardest trial in my life, I am not sure if I already learned what I was suppose to learn, I am not sure if I still have more to learn about this trial but I know that I want to be with my Heavenly Father one day, and if I had to live this trial again I would happily do it all over again..
I also know what I already learned from this trial, I learned that life is so short, you can't be wasting your life in things that aren't really important, don't worry about your job, about your financial situation, don't worry about what car you want or where are you going to go on vacations, worry about how close you are with Heavenly Father, worry about how much your family is important to you, worry about loving your husband and tell him and thank him for everything that he does for you and your kids, thank him and give him the importance that he deserves, don't spend your time making him worry about things that are not really important, as long as you have him there with you and healthy, truly there is nothing else that matters, enjoy the time with your kids, love them, teach them hug them, once again, life is so short and so crazy and you never know what trial is about to come to your door, love love love so when this trial comes, you are ready for it, you are strong for it and you have no regrets..
That's one of the things that I learned from Andy, I kept asking him, is there anything that you want to do before surgery? Is anything that you want to eat, somewhere you want to go, something, and he always said, Leyla, nothing, all I want is to be with you and the kids, there is nothing else that I want to do, there is no other important thing for me other than that

So I feel like I should be done writing for right now, maybe I will write 20 posts today but all I want to say is that please please don't wait until a trial comes to your life to actually live life
we love to spend time with each other, and I am so grateful to have him with me, he really is such a good guy...
Last Sunday at church they were talking about trials, they were saying trials are here for a reason, it's not just that Heavenly Father wants to make you sad or wants you to suffer, trials have a purpose and one of them is to teach you what you were suppose to learn here on earth, trials are here to make you complete, to make you stronger, to make you smarter, to make you kind but the most important here, trials are here with the promise that if you are strong and live them you will be back with our Heavenly Father one day...
I am here living the hardest trial in my life, I am not sure if I already learned what I was suppose to learn, I am not sure if I still have more to learn about this trial but I know that I want to be with my Heavenly Father one day, and if I had to live this trial again I would happily do it all over again..
I also know what I already learned from this trial, I learned that life is so short, you can't be wasting your life in things that aren't really important, don't worry about your job, about your financial situation, don't worry about what car you want or where are you going to go on vacations, worry about how close you are with Heavenly Father, worry about how much your family is important to you, worry about loving your husband and tell him and thank t him for everything that he does for you and your kids, thank him and give him the importance that he deserves, don't spend your time making him worry about things that are not really important, as long as you have him there with you and healthy, truly there is nothing else that matters, enjoy the time with your kids, love them, teach them hug them, once again, life is so short and so crazy and you never know what trial is about to come to your door, love love love so when this trial comes, you are ready for it, you are strong for it and you have no regrets..
That's one of the things that I learned from Andy, I kept asking him, is there anything that you want to do before surgery? Is anything that you want to eat, somewhere you want to go, something, and he always said, Leyla, nothing, all I want is to be with you and the kids, there is nothing else that I want to do, there is no other important thing for me other than that

Andy's Surgery

I am sorry I know I said I was going to post more details about Andy's surgery and I haven't done It yet...

Life has been so busy and crazy, I have been working really hard on my photography. So between pictures and editing, the kids and getting things ready for surgery, I haven't had any extra time to write or just to take a little break...

We are enjoying every single minute of the days before surgery. We have spent so much time together as a family and I love every single minute of it. Andy has been playing so much with the kids, they are laughing, dancing, singing or playing sports all day long. We are going to miss him so much but we know that pretty soon he will be back to normal.

His surgery will be this Wednesday at 7.30 am. We have to be there at 5.30 am, so it will be a long day. The surgery is a really complicated surgery, I didn't give any more details on Facebook because is kind of long to explain. Also because maybe I wasn't ready to talk about what my husband is going to have to suffer. But, he wants me to explain it, so he doesn't have to be explaining it, since a lot of people are worried for him and he has been getting tons of texts and phone calls wondering about the surgery. The surgery will be an open heart surgery. The steps to this surgery are very similar to a heart surgery. When Andy had chemotherapy, the tumor shrank a lot, but unfortunately when it did, it stayed next to his heart. So when they remove his tumor, the doctor was talking about the possibility of having to cut a little piece of his heart, maybe leave it open or maybe just put a patch on his heart. Another thing that will probably happen, and I say probably because the doctor said that she can't confirm anything until she sees how things are during the surgery, is that we have two nerves on each side of our lungs, the nerves are the ones that are in charge of getting air into your lungs and getting the air out. Well, Andy's tumor is against that nerve, kind of covering this nerve. So they are probably going to remove it. This will make it that Andy won't be able to breathe as normal as he was used to because his lungs will be working with just one nerve. Something else that they are going to do is, yes it was true that they found another two tumors on the other side, on Andy's right lung, they are not that big but the surgeon wants to remove them before they become a problem. So they are also going to cut part of his lungs and kind of staple them. In order to do this surgery they need to cut Andy's chest bones and ribs, it is a pretty big incision, they will put his bones together with some surgical wire. He will have to stay 3 days in the hospital if everything goes good, and then he will be in recovery for 6 to 8 weeks. After those 6 to 8 weeks, he needs to go back (probably) so they can remove the wires that they used to keep the bones together.. After all of this, he will have to do another PET scan so they can see how his tumor markers are, we hope that they go back to normal but if they don't., he will need to have radiation.

To be honest the day that we found out how things were going to be, I tried to be okay all day long, and that night I lost it, I was so afraid. I was scared, I was so sad knowing that after everything Andy has to do something else. Seeing him during chemo was horrible and in my eyes, I felt like that was enough. But things got better and after several times praying I finally went back to my first answer that I got, Andy is going to be okay. No one told me how long or what it was going to take in order for him to be okay, but someone told me that he was going to be okay and I need to keep reminding myself that it is going to be this way. This Friday we went to the Temple. We both felt the need to go to this amazing place and get a little closer to our Heavenly Father. Since the minute that we got there, I felt so much peace. I felt like I didn't have to pretend anymore to anyone how I really felt, I felt like I was finally able to just show how weak and tired I feel about this situation. After we were done and we got into the Celestial room, I started crying not as usual, I started crying like a little kid, I remember I saw once a little boy got lost at a shopping center I remember his face, his tears, he was so scared, he felt lost. Well, I was crying the exactly same way that that little boy. I felt like I didn't have to pretend to be the strong woman that I have been trying to be for the past 6 months. I finally gave myself the opportunity to open my heart and get all my feelings out, I remember that I took a minute to explain to Andy what was happening. I told him, "it feels like I can even hear Heavenly Father telling me, Leyla it's okay. You can cry, it's okay to be scared, it's okay to be sad. Don't worry I am here to hug you, I am here to wipe your tears. You can be honest with me because I already know how you feel. It's okay not to be strong, as long as you know that what I promised you is the truth. Being afraid, it's okay"..... I felt so so much better after we left the Temple.

And to be honest, I am still afraid, I am still nervous. I mean, an open heart surgery? it is a lot to take in, but every time that I find myself with all these questions, I look at Andy and I see what an amazing man he is. He always has a smile on his face, even with everything that is happening to him. He is so positive about this situation, he always has the right words for me. He is so loving and such a good dad and I keep telling myself, this place needs someone like him. We still have so much to learn together, we still need to go to Hawaii one day, we still need to go back to Mexico. We still need to go on all those trips that we had planned. We still need to raise our kids and show them how much we love them. We still have to get old like we always talk about. We used to tell each other that we are going to be one of those 99 year old couples holding hands and kissing and having fun and making jokes together, and I believe and I know that it will be this way.

I know that everyone is praying for him, for me, for my kids, and I am so grateful for that. But, please please keep him in your prayers especially this week. I know that Heavenly Father is listening to every single one of your prayers and I know that He will keep showing us how much He loves us. We love you all we are so blessed to have you in our lives. This journey is not over but every day we feel we are closer to the end...