Andy has hit rock bottom. TOCANDO FONDO

I wrote this one day ago... and sorry I don´t have any more pictures to share, not a good moment for take pictures right now...

Well, the doctors were right when they told us everything that was going to happen with Andy when we were getting ready for his transplant. They told us exactly what was going to happen. It is one thing knowing it and another actually living it...

I have had my moments where I feel like I can’t do this anymore, my moments when I feel scared and want to run and run and never stop. I have had my moments where no tears come from my eyes anymore. I also had my good moments and there are more good than bad where I know that he is going to be okay, where I am strong and ready to keep fighting and where I am confident that he will be fine.

Andy honestly is not doing good right now. I have never seen him like this. Even that last time when he was very sick he was not like this. The doctors came today and said he is at his lowest point right now. Nothing in his body is working, nothing. His immune system is gone, his white cells, red cells, potassium, magnesium, his everything is gone... His heart rate has been so high. The highest has been 150 when the normal is 60 to a 100. His oxygen was so low yesterday that they have him plugged in to the vitals machine and it kept beeping last night every time he wasn’t breathing normally. My heart was so scared and I haven't gotten any sleep at all, but he made it through another night... His nausea is more under control but now his problem is that he has sores all over inside his esophagus, his stomach, and they think this is giving him an infection because he has high fevers too. He has other complications that I’d rather not address right now. He is also not eating, not drinking, not talking, not walking; he has been in the bed for the past few days. He can’t take any medicine by mouth so everything is through the IV... 

He is also getting a platelets transfusion every day and 2 red cells (just blood) transfusions every day. He is plugged in to a pain med machine where he can push this button every time he needs it because he is in so so much pain, thanks to the sores that he has all over...

I am sitting here and thinking how much I miss him, how much it hurts me to see him like this. I love him so much! I miss his laugh, I miss talking to my best friend, I miss his hugs, his look, I miss everything about him and I can’t explain how hard it is to see someone that you love in so much pain... But I know that there is someone that perfectly understands how Andy is feeling. Heavenly Father knows exactly how Andy is feeling and I know He is helping him during this time. I also feel His arms around me. I am grateful for your prayers. I know a lot of people also pray for me and I am thankful for that. Some days I wake up and pray to have the strength that I need to be able to help him, to make him feel loved...


My biggest satisfaction is when he says few words, and those words are always positive. When he tells me “Thank you, I don´t need anything and anyone else but you and my kids”, those few words keep me going. Or when he opens his eyes and sends me a kiss, or when he smiles for one second before his eyes close, or when my kids want to Skype with him every day and he does what he can to open his eyes for two seconds and waves at them...

I never thought I would appreciate all those small things like I do now. I never thought I was going to be so excited for small things like this, but I am now. Like I said in a Facebook post, I am grateful for life, I am grateful for the air, for the sun, for the peace that I feel in this hospital room. I am grateful for the few minutes that I get to spend with my kids...


All the nurses here like Andy, they keep telling me he is such a nice guy, he is so positive, and do you know why they say this? It’s because he never complains about anything. Nothing, never, no matter how many times he was throwing up blood, no matter how bad his pain is, he has never said something negative. He has never said I am done, or why me, or I can´t do this anymore. Never! On the other hand for example today, I was holding his hand and I was telling him , “Mi vida I am so sorry that you have to go through this.” He looked at me, squeezed my hand and said softly, “It’s okay. I will be okay...” Quietly started crying just to see how strong he is. He truly is my hero! He is such an example for me and for so many others, that no matter what life brings you, you never give up, no matter how dark everything looks, you never quit...


The doctors said the next 5 days are going to be even worse, I can´t imagine what can be worse than this, but they said so. After 5 more days he will slowly start to get feeling better, his immune system slowly is going to come back and they are going to help him with everything that he needs so he can make it through this...

Harder days are about to come. I just pray that I can be strong for him, I pray that his pain can be less and less, I pray that he can stay as positive as he is right now, I pray that my kids can know how much I love them and miss them..


You guys I know I always talk amazing things about Andy, but even before he had Cancer I had nothing but good things to say about him. Seriously he is such an amazing guy, I don’t have even one bad thing to say about him. He has touched so many lives in his 30 years, he has so many friends, everyone has something good to say about Andy, everywhere I go I find someone that comes to me and say, “Hey I know Andy, he is amazing!” and I feel so blessed to be his wife.


Like I said, more hard things are coming our way and it’s going to get worse before it gets any better, but he will make it, he wants to make it and he will...

We love you!
This afternoon his oxygen and heart rate seem a little better, but now we are facing a new challenge, his nose started bleeding and this is because his platelets are really low. So here we go again with another platelets transfusion. Today I can feel the spirit so strong in Andy’s room. Maybe I changed my attitude, maybe I prayed more than yesterday, or maybe my hard or scary feelings went away today, but today I feel good, I feel grateful, I feel loved... I was talking to Andy’s nurses for a long time, for like half an hour, they started asking me about how I met Andy, how we discovered that he had Cancer, and I started talking about his life, about everything that we have been through.. it has been a lot! When I was talking about it and thinking about it I realized we have gotten pretty far, we have had so many trials, so many experiences, so many problems, so many blessings, and I realized that once again, we wouldn’t have been able to do all this without our love for our Heavenly Father and His love for us. Right now I am sitting in a peaceful room, it almost feels like I am at the LDS Temple, listening to LDS hymns and looking at Andy rest peacefully and the only thing I can think and feel is how much we are loved. I can´t believe how much pain and suffering Jesus went through. I can´t imagine how He felt, I am so grateful that He died for us, I am so grateful that He knew that we were going to have this trial and that Heavenly father has never left our side... thanks again for your prayers, it sounds like I say it all the time, but if you were here sitting with me, you would be able to realize that I do feel your prayers, that Andy does feel your prayers and love and once again we couldn´t keep going without them...

Today December 2nd... Andy´s breathing got bad, they were worried and sent him for some x rays, ct scans and all kind of tests to see what is going on, the Doctor just came to tell me that he does have an infection and that his right long has fluids, they will keep him with antibiotics and breathing treatments and Andy has to work hard to fight this new challenge, he is doing his best, the next few days are going to be even harder but once again, we know he will be okay... 

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EN ESPAÑOL

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ANDY HA TOCADO FONDO

No traducire todo exactamente como lo escribi arriba y disculpente si tengo faltas ortograficas, no tengo mucho tiempo para componerlas ni para traducir...

Hemos pasado dias muy dificiles, el transplante de Andy fue hace 7 dias y como ya nos habian dicho los doctores, muchas complicaciones iban a venir despues del trasnplante..

A pesar de que se nos habia advertido y explicado todas las complicaciones que iban a venir, una cosa es saberlas y otra cosa es vivirlas, yo estaba segura que iba a ser dificil pero jamas me imagine que TAL dificil iba a ser,,,

El transplante fue bien, pero todos estos efectos secundarios que tiene no son por el transplante sino por la quimioterapia que tuvo tan fuerte, practicamente su cuerpo esta muerto lo unico que sirve es su corazon, sus celulas rojas no existen, no tiene celulas blancas, potasio bajo magnesio bajo  sodio bajo, no puede comer, no puede tomar agua, lo tienen con alimento artificial, no puede casi caminar, no puede pararse casi, no puede ni pasar un jarabe de medicina..

Hace unos dias inicio con vomito pero con sangre, eso fue muy dificil, me asusto mucho verlo y saber que realmente no estaba llendole muy bien, despues de eso le empezaron a dar transfusiones de sangre, osea de celulas rojas asi como tambien de plaquetas porque por eso los vomitos con sangre, como no se componia le siguieron poniendo mas transplantes de plaquetas ya que despues lo que inicio fue sangrado en la nariz, osea casi casi un estornudo, una tosesita, oun esfuerzo grande puede hacer que se desangre

Tambien no podia comer nada porque todo su esofago, su estomago, su pecho, todo esta leno de heridas, asi como si fueran aftas pero internas entonces esta en mucho, pero absolutamente mucho dolor

Ya que le controlaron la hemorragia con las transfusiones de plaquetas, hoy amanecio respirando muy mal, con mucha dificultad y su pecho chillandole asi que lo llevaron a hacer tomografias, rayox x, escanes y todo tipo de analisis para ver que es lo que estaba pasando ahora... me acaban de avisar que sus pulmones tienen fluidos e infeccion asi es que le seguiran con antibiotico y tratamientos para la respiracion para ahora tratar esto

Dicen que vienen dias peores, que los proximos 4 o 5 dias las cosas se pondran aun peores, la verdad yo no puedo imaginar que pueda ser peor que todo lo que le esta pasando ahora, no me quiero ni imaginar que es lo que peor significa, pero sigo con fe, sigo orando, sigo pensando que todo pasara..

No se como le vamos a hacer cuando tenga que venir para su proxima quimio y proximo transplante, realmente no me quiero ni estresar por eso ahorita, ahorita lo unico que quiero pensar es salir de esta...

Tengo mucha fe, se que Dios esta conmigo, se que me ama, se que el es el unico que comprende el dolor de Andy, nadie mas que el sabe que tanto dolor y sufrimiento Andy esta pasando y se que sera misericordioso con el y que Dios sabe y tiene un plan especifico para Andy

Lo amo mucho, me duele mucho verlo asi,me siento impotente de no poder ayudarlo mas, el es muy valiente, jamas se ha quejado, jamas ha dicho porque me pasa esto, o me duele, o ya no aguanto, al contrario... el otro dia me ganaron las lagrimas y llore sin querer frente de el, pense que estaba dormido y me vio y me dice... ayy mi vida ya deja de llorar por favor acuerdate que voy a estar bien,... y su energia positiva y sus ganas de vivir y el amor que tiene por sus hijos lo van a sacar a adelante...

Breakfast with Santa. Saturday December 13th

Breakfast with Santa, Saturday December 13th from 9 am to 11 am...

Boulder Creek Park, next to Boulder Creek Elementary school

Please join us in helping the Moss family raise funds while Andy battles cancer for the second time.
We have so many things for your kids to enjoy.
There will be pictures with Santa Claus, train rides, a bounce house, raffles, prizes, breakfast food, music and more!!! Please purchase your tickets in advance to eliminate any long lines. Tickets are $5 per person.

For tickets please contact:
Liz Valenzuela 480-202-0643
Lacey Smith Lenahan 480-371-6373
Or Barbara Arroyo 480-203-8100

If you would like to donate an item please contact Rickelle Mendez 602-571-6960, raffle items are needed.

http://mossfamily1.blogspot.com/

Chemos didn´t work..wait...they did!! la traduccion de español estaabajo

Chemo didn't work, wait it did!!

Like I said in one of my posts, I had two horrible days. I don't even want to remember all the fear that I felt. I thought I was ready for anything, I was sure that my faith was stronger than anything else, but I guess we all fall and the important thing is to get up again...

Andy had a PET scan last week, so we found out on Monday that the chemo didn’t work at all, that the tumors instead of getting smaller were getting bigger and that the chances of “curing” the cancer were almost none... can you believe how we felt???? My entire world went down. We got home right after that and I tried to be strong for the kids, and for Andy. A day went by and still my heart was hurting so much. We tried to spend a lot of time with the kids, we put our Christmas tree up like every year, drinking hot cocoa, eating Mexican bread and listening to Mexican Christmas music... the day after we went and looked for Santa so we could take our year picture with him like we had the past 6 years. Even though we had an amazing time with the kids I just couldn't be 100 % happy...

The next day we had an appointment with an important doctor. She used to work with one of the doctors that is huge in the germ of cell cancer treatment in New York City. She had just arrived in Arizona and we were anxious to hear what she said, even though we already knew what she was going to say..

On our way to this appointment, we took a taxi so I could leave the car to my sister and my mom. We knew the driver because he’d driven us before and as usual Andy made a new friend and he really likes Andy... in the taxi Andy and I were not talking at all, just holding hands. The driver asked, “Why are you guys so quiet today? Is everything okay?” and I told him we got bad news, that Andy’s chemo didn’t work and the tumors got bigger instead of smaller.

I am sorry if you are tired of my spiritual experiences, but the reason I write them is because I hope someone in a similar situation to us can read this. I also hope that I can go back one day to this blog and just fill my heart and my kids with all these amazing experiences that Andy and I are having...

Anyway, after I told the driver about what was happening everything was silent and after few minutes he said, “I just want to tell you that I have a testimony that God lives (he is not Mormon). I know that he is aware of your pain... I know you think your trial is huge, that your problem is so big that you can’t even wrap your mind around it, but for God Andy, for God your problem is nothing, for Him your sickness is nothing, He is so powerful and so amazing that He can heal you easily. The doctors can tell you one thing, but God has the last word, I understand that you two feel sad right now but please, please don’t forget that God has a plan for you guys! I felt it since I met you. I feel and know that you still have something important to do in this earth and I know that today you will witness a miracle, you will see God’s hand right in front of your eyes. Have faith Andy, have faith Leyla... me, my family and my entire church is praying for you Andy and prayers are answered you will see.”

Obviously I was crying, we just told him thank you for his words, we got down of the Taxi and waited for our appointment. We finally saw the doctor, such a nice lady. She speaks Spanish too, and she was telling us how chemo didn’t work because the tumor was now 3.2 cm, so it was getting bigger because before it was 9mm (almost 1 cm) and the other one was 9 mm instead of 4 point something and I was like wait, what??? I perfectly remember numbers, I can forget about a lot of things (I really do, I am always forgetting things) but the sizes of Andy’s tumors are stuck in my head. I told her no way his tumor before chemo wasn't almost 1 cm. His tumor was 5 point something so if it is now 3.2 that means is getting smaller! I also told her the other one if now is 9mm it was 4 point something before so that means it is working! And his tumor markers (the levels where they see how active your cancer is) is also WAY lower right now, chemo is working! She was SO surprised and what had happened is that they didn’t have the last of Andy’s scans since it was done in another hospital...


Like my mom said, who is going to give me my tears back? It was such an amazing feeling, the driver was so right; we were witnesses of Heavenly Father´s plan. I feel so bad that I had fear in my heart, but like I said I am back on track. I guess what matters most is how you get up and how your faith gets stronger after you witness miracles, because for me that’s what this was. After we were told, “You guys have almost no chance to make it” to “You have 40% chance to be cured” That’s a huge difference!

We take the 40% chance to make it, I know that he will make it...

Today he started chemo, they ended up putting the PIC line in his arm to do chemo, he started this morning and he was doing great until this afternoon. He is so sick (nausea and vomiting) that it breaks my heart. I wish I could do something to help him, I wish I could fix him and make him feel better...

We will be at the hospital for Thanksgiving! But hopefully we can go home for Christmas... he will be having his second chemotherapy ( this type like the strong regimen) starting on December 29th, and then after that he will be having a second bone marrow transplant.. the doctor told us that most likely he will also be having a second surgery, but we have to wait first to see how these tumors are shrinking and if his tumor markers go down... they also told us that if after the bone marrow transplant the Cancer comes back, pretty much there would be nothing else that they can do. They are so straight to the point that it’s overwhelming. They told us if it doesn't work pretty much we will let you go home and enjoy whatever you have left. Seriously? It will work, he will make it, he will win this battle, he will raise our kids, we will finish that bucket list, he will and I will.

Today he is very sick lots of nausea and he says that this chemo is worse than the 6 that he had before... Please keep praying for him

I will try to keep updating this blog, honestly this blog is so helpful and is a healing tool for me.

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EN ESPAÑOL

No sirvieron las quimios, mentira si sirvieron!

Osea!!!! que cosas, como pueden hacerle algo asi a alguien? casi me muero de tristeza, resulta que el lunes tuvimos una dicta aqui en el hospital y nos dijeron que las quimios de Andy no sirvieron, claro que mi mundo se derrumbo, nos dijeron que los tumores en vez de haberse hecho chicos estaban creciendo, que definitivamente todo iba a ser mas dificil

Pero como? que? no podia creerlo, por mas que no quise perder la fe, senti que mi undo se derrumbo, mujer de poca fe me digo a mi misma, no que tan fuerte? no que confias en dios? me supongo que todos tenemos esos momentos en la vida donde dudamos de dios, donde perdemos la fe, donde caemos, pero lo mas importante es la manera en la que nos levantemos..

Pasaron dos dias donde literalmente no vivi, no podia creer que eso estaba pasandonos, que tanto sufrimiento para andy y para nada, tratamos de disfrutar el tiempo con nuestros hijos, pusimos el arbolito de Navidad adelantado nos tomamos la foto con Santa, comimos, reimos, bailamos para hacer q los ninos disfrutaran, pero no pudimos estar bien...

Antes de ir a que lo internaran, tuvimos que pedir un taxi, aqui en Arizona los taxis no son muy comunes, de hecho casi nadie los toma, pero lo pedimos porque le tuve que dejar mi camioneta a mi hermana para que todo el chamaquerio pueda andar comodo :) entonces pedimos al taxi, este senor ha llevado a Andy antes, entonces lo conoce, claro como siempre Andy hace amigos a donde ponga un pie... y nos subimos y nos dice, ahora si vienen muy callados, pues que les pasa? le digo es que nos dieron muy malas noticias, nos dijeron que las quimios no sirvieron de absolutamente nada! y que se queda callado, todo callado de repente empieza a hablar y nos dice, no tengan miedo ady y leyla, se que para ustedes en estos momentos sus problemas son inmensos, se que en este momento ustedes creen que esto que les esta pasando es enorme y no acabara, pero para Dios, para dios este problema no es nada, para dios su problema es tan pequeño, para dios no hay imposibles, los doctores te pueden decir mil cosas, pero dios tiene la ultima palabra, los doctores no saben que dios escucha oraciones, no saben cuanta gente esta atras de ti, para dios eso es pequeño y te testifico que hoy veras milagros pasar ante tus ojos, veras que tienes q seguir teniendo fe.. nos dijo mas cosas y claro que yo no aguante y llore como niña chiquita.. le dimos las gracias y nos bajamos

Tuvimos una cita de nuevo en el hospital, antes de que internaran a Andy, con una Doctora que trabajo con el inventor de las quimioterapias especializadas en el tipo de cancer que Andy tiene, para esto estamos en el mejor hospital del pais, los mejores doctores, la mejor tecnologia, por eso el escuchar de la voz de esta nueva doctora, lo siento pero no funcionaron las quimios, fue horrible, me dice la doctora, lo que pasa que el tumor junto a su corazon crecio de 9 milimetros a 3.2 centímetros y el de su pulmon de no existir a 9 milimetros y yo que? claro que no, yo puedo olvidar todo pero el tamaño de los tumores de Andy los tengo grabados en mi mente le dije, el tumor junto al corazon era de cinco centimetros y algo y ahora es de 3.2 y el del pulmon era de 4. y algo centimetros y si ahora es de 9 milimetros quiere decir que si esta funcionando las quimios!!!!! la doctora se quedo en shock, me dice pero como? si aqui tengo los resultados de los dos escanes, le digo no, no esta viendo que en medio de esos dos escanes Andy tuvo otro escan donde los dos tumores eran mas grandes, eso quiere decir q si esta funcionando, eso quiere decir q si tenemos posibilidades, y dice dejame checar, llamo al radiologo etc y si, fue un error ya que el escan el que yo le dije a la doctora fue hecho en otro hospital y ellos no tenian los records!!

En serio? como diria mi mama y mis lagrimas quien me las regresa??? pero una vez mas confirme ante mis propios ojos un milagro de Dios, su voz en mi cabeza no la podia quitar diciendome, ten fe Leyla, no te olvides lo que te he prometido ten  fe, no dudes, aqui estoy contigo, pase lo q pase tu no dudes yo aqui estoy contigo, que razon tenia el taxista, cai en el miedo

Hoy Andy inicio la primera quimio de estas fuertes y horribles que le van a dar, super fuertes, en la mañana le fue mas o menos pero ahorita si se puso muy mal de asco y vomito, por mas que le dan medicamentos para controlar el asco de todas formas se siente mal, pobre de mi Andy, lo amo tanto, que daria por poder quitarle todo este dolor y sufrimiento por el que esta pasando, en serio de verdad, para los que no lo conocen, es un hombre tan bueno, tan trabajador, responsable, buen padre, buen hijo, buen esposo, buen empleado, de verdad no le feo ni un defecto, y no solo yo lo digo, Andy es un ser humano muy especial, donde quiera que vaya hace amigos, con quien quiera que hable cae bien, definitivamente la loca de la casa soy yo jaja, el es tan bueno que ni si quiera se queja en estos momentos, a pesar de su dolor siempre preocupado por mi, por sus hijos... solo se que todo este sufrimiento pasara y pronto todo podra ser como antes

Getting ready for transplant !!!! ¡A veces nos olvidamos lo hermosoque es el cielo!

Prayers prayers and more prayers for Andy Moss ... He is having a PET scan right now, this scan will tell us how big/small his tumors are, and if cancer hasn't spread ... We won't know the results until Wednesday! I found this picture of this shirt that his awesome uncle Von Madsen sent him when Andy was done with cancer the first time...  #frickcancer #mormonshatecancertoo  ... 

I wrote this blog post about a week ago... Before collection day 2... They got 8.2 millions cells total and we are SO excited! 

COLLECTION OF STEM CELLS, GETTING READY FOR TRANSPLANT

This transplant process is so hard to explain. I have been learning a lot and every day I am more and more grateful for Doctors, nurses, technology, education and everything else that makes it possible for patients like Andy to have access to an amazing thing; a bone marrow transplant.

So what they are doing now is collecting his stem cells. Today is day two, yesterday they collected 4.2 million cells and they need 8 million cells in order to do two transplants... If you are a nurse and I am saying something wrong, forgive me. I’ve gotten too much information and I hope I am getting everything right. Anyway, they got Andy ready with a shot every day for the past almost 7 days. This shot makes the cells go crazy and reproduce (the white cells) and then the night before the collection they put a shot to make the cells that went crazy and that are in his bone marrow, to go in the blood so they can collect the cells from the blood the day after... once he is ready for collection, they plug him to an awesome machine. This machine, somehow separates red cells, white cells and collects the stem cells.. Isn't that amazing?!

This little bag has all the stem cells, they keep that bag and the rest of his blood goes back to his body through the thing that he has on his chest...

Once they had collected the stem cells, they sent it somewhere and another machine counts the cells. They said they determine how many stem cells he needs taking into account his weight and the type of chemo that he will be getting... For Andy they need 8 million stem cells... so we had to come back today for collection day two, hopefully they get what they need today, if not, he will need the shot that produces cells and then tonight the other shot that makes the cells to go in the blood... he has been plugged into this machine forever and he can’t get down. Not even to go pee! But he is doing amazing.

We won’t find out until tonight if they got enough cells or if he needs to get more collection tomorrow. After this collection they freeze the cells and keep them for his transplant. Luckily they will be getting enough for two transplants so for the next one he won’t be needing to do all this collection process again... 

After the collection, we have tons of appointments over here, labs, doctor appointment and then he will be admitted to the hospital for 6 long and stressful days of chemo. After 6 days of chemo he will have his transplant and then he will have to stay at the hospital for at least 21 days. So we are talking about 30 days or more over here after he gets admitted... We will spend Thanksgiving here but hopefully be able to, like my favorite Christmas song, “be home for Christmas”. Then we have to come back for transplant two...

I got this from the internet to understand a little bit more about Andy’s bone marrow transplant process:

Bone marrow transplantation and peripheral blood stem cell transplantation are procedures that restore stem cells that were destroyed by high doses of chemotherapy and/or radiation therapy.

After being treated with high-dose anticancer drugs and/or radiation, the patient receives the harvested stem cells, which travel to the bone marrow and begin to produce new blood cells.

A “tandem transplant” involves two sequential courses of high-dose chemotherapy and stem cell transplant.

Chemotherapy and radiation therapy generally affect cells that divide rapidly. They are used to treat cancer because cancer cells divide more often than most healthy cells. However, because bone marrow cells also divide frequently, high-dose treatments can severely damage or destroy the patient’s bone marrow. Without healthy bone marrow, the patient is no longer able to make the blood cells needed to carry oxygen, fight infection, and prevent bleeding. BMT and PBSCT replace stem cells destroyed by treatment. The healthy, transplanted stem cells can restore the bone marrow’s ability to produce the blood cells the patient needs. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Therapy/bone-marrow-transplant

It will be a long process but we are excited and have faith that after this, Andy’s cancer will be gone for good.... He has already lost 35 lbs, but this week he finally started to feel better and hungry so he gained about 5 lbs back! His hair is coming back brown/blondish but it will be gone again with the next chemo. He already made friends at the place that we are staying (next to the hospital). All of the nurses over here are amazing and super nice.. we love this place so much that one of Andy’s plans is to work really hard when he is done with chemo so that he can retire not too old and we can come volunteer at the Mayo clinic... 

He also already started making his bucket list! I am getting super excited with all the plans that we have for the future, I can’t wait to help him cross each thing of that list!!! 

 I need to thank my sister again... My kids love her so much they call her mom they call me Jona lol david asked her are we going to my moms house? He thinks they moved to Jona's house, it makes me happy that they feel like it's their home too... This is a picture that I took of my sisters family  :) she is so beautiful!

Thanks again for all your love and support, we are very excited for Andy’s run this Saturday! We will see you there (well at least me and the kids, I am not sure if Andy will be able to come)... 

Let’s keep praying!

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En español...

Hoy le harán un estudio a Andy para ver como va el cáncer si no se ha esparcido si se han hecho más chicos los tumores etc.. Se los encargo en sus oraciones.. Encontré esta foto tomada antes de q nos enteráramos q el cáncer había regresarlo q dice también los mormones odian al cáncer :) escribí este post hace como una semana pero apenas pide subirlo

Tantas cosas han pasado desde que salimos del hospital.. Andy termino sus quimioterapias hace ya algunos dias, aun recuerdo el dia que llegamos a la casa, mis hijos no sabían que íbamos a ir porque no me gusta darles falsas esperanzas pues a veces llegamos, a veces no, pero este dia, llegamos Andy y yo despues de varios dias en el hospital, tocamos la puerta y ahi estaban neustros hijos, tan emocionados, abrazaron a Andy, con tanto amor que practicamente todos los que estabamos ahi no pudimos contener las lagrimas de la emoción

Este proceso ha sido tan dificil, tan desgastante, tan emocional que  a veces aun no creo que todo esto nos este pasando a nosotros, a mi Andy.... ya se que miles de veces he repetido cuando amo a Andy, pero asi es, nuestro amor es algo inexplicable, estoy totalmente convencida que antes de venir a este mundo nos conocimos y los dos sabiamos que todo esto nos iba a pasar, se que tanto el como yo tomamos caminos diferentes en ciertos momentos de nuestras vidas, pero todo lo que pasamos no fue masque para prepararnos para el dia que nos conocimos, para poder reconocer lo que el amor verdadero significa...

Tal vez muchos no entiendan que es lo que le estan haciendo a Andy, que es un transplante de celulas madres, porque yo tampoco lo entendia y ni sabia yo que era hasta ahora.. lo que sucede es que la medula espinal de Andy no tiene cancer, es esta medula la que produce estas celulas madres en tu cuerpo, estas celulas madres son las que controlan el resto de tus celulas en el cuerpo, gracias a ella se dividen en plaquetas, emoglobina, etc, espero no equivocarme en la explicacion, y la medula osea de Andy esta produciendo celulas limpias, sin cancer, entonces este proceso lo que hace es agarrar las celulas madres de su medula espinal, colectarlas, congelaras y de ahi  hacer el transplante por medio de la sangre, lo que hacen es que le daran una quimioterapia fuerte para que su sistema inmunologico desaparezca, apra matar todas las celulas en su cuerpo, practicamente el cuerpo de Andy estara ¨muerto¨por unos dias, es ahi cuando le hacen el transplante y le meten las celulas nuevas que le recolectaron y congelaron, este proceso lo que hara es que su cuerpo podra tener celulas nuevas libres de cancer, celulas fuertes y listas para no permitir que las celulas de cancer regresen, es por eso que le haran dos de este tipo de transplantes, uno en unas proximas semanas, de ahi se esperaran como dos meses y le haran otro para evitar que el cancer no regrese esperemos jamas

Andy y yo antes de que este cancer llegara a nuestras vidas, eramos una familia se puede decir normal, siempre hemos sido muy unidos, felices, viajando, jugando con los niños, trabajando, mucho ejercicio, iglesia, familia, practicamente llevabamos una vida como cualquier otra persona, pero cuando este cancer nos llego todo cambio, la primera vez fue dificil y aprendimos mucho, pero esta segunda vez, esta segunda vez todo nuestro mundo se transformo...

He aprendido a ver el mundo de otro color, he aprendido a disfrutar el aire que respiro, he aprendido a valorar lo importante que es la familia, los amigos, pero lo mas importante, por fin he comprendido porque vine a este mundo, por fin he comprendido el verdadero proposito de estar en esta tierra, el proposito de mi Padre Celestial y sus promesas... me siento tan feliz de tener a Dios en mi vida, de tener su apoyo, su amor, sus brazos alrededor de los mios, con el, mis miedos  por supuesto que aun existen, pero gracias a el ese miedo no dura, ese miedo se va, ese miedo se convierte en fe... no voy a mentir, hay muchas veces que aun lloro en silencio, hay muchas veces que aun me pregunto porque le esta pasando esto a el que es un hombre tan bueno, pero mi Padre Celestial me contesta todas esas preguntas...

Andy sigue con tan buen animo, sigue tan positovo, claro no es perfecto y ha tenido sus momentos de miedo como cualquier ser humano, pero en general ha sido tan positivo que realmente me sorprende, tiene tanta buena energia positiva y tanta fe que contagia... 

Quisiera hablar un poco de la familia, de mi familia, mi mama, mi papa, mi hermana y mi hermano... que haria yo sin ellos? que seria de mis hijos sin ellos? que seria de mi sin ellos? no me lo puedo ni imaginar, mi familia ha sido el pilar mas grande ene ste momento, mi familia es la mano de dios ayudandome a sobre pasar esta prueba, mi familia es mi roca es mi fuerza es mi todo, mi mama ha sido un gran apoyo en estos momentos

Muchos de ustedes no saben pero Jona no vive en la misma ciudad que yo vivo, ella vive como a 40 minutos de mi casa (con trafico) y a pesar de la distancia ella viaja diario a mi casa para poder llevar a mis hijos a la escuela, regresa por ellos cuando salen de la escuela, de ahi se los lleva, les da de comer,  si tienen practicas o partidos regresa de nuevo ahi por mi casa para llevarlos a donde tengan que ir, osea como quien dice se la pasa manejando todos los dias viajando para que mis hijos puedan tener una vida lo mas cercano a lo normal, pero no solo sirve para lleevarlos, les da de comer, los alista, pero lo mas importante, los adora, los quiere tanto, los abraza, los comprende, los chiquea, los ama como si yo estuviera ahi, y diganme, eso con que lo puedo pagar? jamas ni en el resto de mi vida podre pagarle eso a Jona,

 ella es mas que una hermana, es mi mejor amiga, es la mama de mis hijos, todos necesitan a algiuien como Jona en sus vidas, gracias a ella puedo estar junto a Andy apoyandolo en todo lo que necesite, cuidandolo, porque me puedo ir tranquila sabiendo que mis hijos estan bien con mi hermana, al igual que su esposo, admiro su apoyo con ella, el cuidar y tener a mis hijos en su casa no es facil, se que han invadido su privacidad y aun a pesar de todo hasta me prestan su carro y todo lo que sea necesario, Ben y Jona jamas podre pagarles todo lo que hacen por nosotros...

En estos momentos Andy esta en el proceso de preparacion de su transplante de medula osea, se supone que este transplante ayudara a que el cancer en su cuerpo jamas regrese, no podemos mas que tener fe que asi sera..

Aqui abajo agregare un post que mi hermano puso en su Facebook... llore y llore cuando lo lei, amo a mi familia! gracias por tu apoyo y sus oraciones!!!

¡A veces nos olvidamos lo hermoso que es el cielo!

Solo se puede entender esto cuando estas viviendo de cerca la desesperación de estar sedado por los medicamentos que implica una quimioterapia, de sentir los mareos, el asco, el dar una vuelta en el corredor del pasillo de un hospital y sentir que corriste un maratón, ni siquiera lo sé, solamente fueron palabras de mi mejor amigo al estar en una cama con todas esas bolsas de ifosfamida y cisplantino, los saltos cada 30 min y cada hora cuando una persona con aspecto de fumigador con una maquina digital tomaba el codigo de barras de la pulsera de Andy Moss . Solo para que imaginen un poco, sonaba en el ipad la mejor música country y a contraluz una batalla tremenda en una cama de hospital, y a los pies de la cama yo, tratando de ofrecer mis manos en un apretón de pies y con los ojos llorosos y un salbutamol (medicamento para el asma) en la mano tratando de ocultar el sentimiento por ese cabron que es mi mejor amigo. Realmente quería ofrecerle mi vena cefálica si así se pudiera aminorar el sufrimiento; ser un espectador de una lucha de esa magnitud es un desgaste emocional, no puedo imaginar el desgaste de mi hermana que lleva mucho tiempo a los pies del amor de su vida.

Pasaban y pasaban las horas y los dias hasta que vimos llegar por la puerta a aquel guerrero, como el regreso de un gladiador herido ovacionado por sus hijos, no pude evitar soltarme en llanto al verle a el un par de lágrimas después de salir vencedor de aquella batalla abrazando a su hija que gritaba con el mas puro amor y sinceridad diciendo ¡Daaaaaddyyy!!!!! Daaaaaddy!!!! mi hermana Jonaneth Weight Leyla Primavera Moss y yo no pudimos evitar el nudo en la garganta y estar mas felices, las lágrimas se sentian desorientadas entre una mueca de alegria disfrazada del mas puro sentimiento de amor.

Han pasado los dias y se acercan dos transplantes de médula, y una quimio mas; ojalá se apoyara mas para poder estudiar y curar esta horrible enfermedad, tengo entendido que se necesitan muchos millones, lo cual a las mafias farmaceuticas no les conviene en lo absoluto la cura del cancer, creo que no solo lo contrae una persona, sino todos los miembros de la familia, es una enfermedad familiar realmente.

Estos días he vivido el mas puro amor entre hermanos, hijos, padres en su máxima expresión, he sido padre de 2 niños tremendos por 2 semanas, uno de ellos se volvió mi amigo como su padre.
Hoy por fin Andy salio a la calle por 2 horas, vio a su hijo entrenar baseball, y todos estabamos ahi disfrutando de una tarde maravillosa, de una tranquilidad que desde que era niño no sentía, no había ningún temor ni delincuencia en los parques ni nada, solo niños siendo felices y padres siendo orgullosos, fue un dia especial sentir el pasto, el aire, las risas y eso cambio mis planes de como vivir, de vivir al máximo, no importa nada, ni canciones, ni trabajo, ni dinero, esas cosas son puros egos, lo mas importante son las cosas pequeñas, lo que hay en casa, el amor, la familia, el respeto.
Este viaje esta terminando y esta pesadilla sé que acabará pronto, y no me queda mas que repetir las palabras de mi mejor amigo "Que bonito es el cielo, se me habia olvidado".  JOHNNY PAEZ

We are done with chemo!!! (well this second round)
This time around Andy did amazing! some of the reasons of why Andy did amazing this time  are one, he got less ammount of one of the chemos that he got last time, other reason is because his magnasium was not low and last thing because he didn´t get any kind of infection this time...

He is still very tired and has a lot of nausea but not as bad as last time...

Tomorrow we will start our journey at the mayo clinic, he will start getting this shot to make some white cells and he will get tested every day, the day that his white baby cells get higher they will do something called collection, so this is when they collect his own cells that he will need for this transplant... after this few days he will get another chemo (this one will be bad and make him VERY sick)

As of right now we are just going day by day, thats all we can do, one day at the time, and today we are grateful that he is doing so amazing, he has been able to eat and drink a little and that is huge...

My brother made it and it was so emotional and exciting to see him, he came by the hospital to say hi to me and Andy for few minutes and I jumped into his arms and cried of exciment! He loves Andy so much and like Andy says he is his second brother, Andy was laughing and so happy to see him, he is so funny and makes everyone laugh!

It was so sweet to see him with my kids, Mia didn´t know what to do at first and then she has been hugging him no stop, David first thing he asked him was, can we russle? please? please? can we play figthing? please? haha Andy used to come back from home, we always had dinner together and after dinner he always russle with David and played princess with Mia pretty much every day so I am glad someone can do this with them while Andy is gone...

Last think but not least, thank you for everyone that has sign up for Andy´s race! I think this week is the last week to sign up for the race, this is the link in case you need it :)


Thank you!!


EN ESPAÑOL!
Ya terminamos las quimios!! bueno por lo menos las quimios de esta segunda ronda, gracias a Dios a  Andy le fue muy bienn con todo, pudo comer, no se enfermo, no agarro ninguna infeccion y todo salio de maravilla, claro los ascos normales y el cansancio tremendo pero todo salio muy bien

Los doctores dicen que todo salio bien porque esta segunda vez no le pusieron un tipo de quimios (le dieron 3 diferentes tipos la vez pasada) y esta vez un tipo de esas quimios no se lo pusieron y aparte de eso su magnesio estuvo normal y no bajo y esta vez no cacho ninguna infeccion y esto lo ayudo mucho y ha podido comer bien y recuperarse mas rapido que la vez pasada...

Mañana iniciamos el proceso del transplante gracias a dios, nos iremos al otro hospital llamado Mayo Clinic, como desearia que todas las personas con Cancer de mi querido Mexico tuvieran  la oportunidad de ser atendidos en un hospital como lo es el Mayo Clinic, claro que nadie quiere estar enfermo y pasar por una situacio asi, pero si te pasa,  este hospital es lo mejor de lo mejor, tienen casas para los pacientes que son de fuera, un restaurante enorme, una rea especial para el cancer, hacen transplantes de medula, de pulmon, de corazon, es totalmente impresionante son edificios y mas edificios de hospital, estoy agradecida con dios por la oportunidad de estar en este pais y poder tener a Andy

Transplant and second chemo... transplante y segunda ronda de quimios

I wrote the first part of this post few days ago and the rest is from yesterday!

WOW! I don't even know where to start with this post... First I want to say thank you so much to everyone that has been praying for Andy and for our family. You have no idea how much your prayers mean to us and how much we can feel your love and compassion... It has been several hard and overwhelming days with so much information and in such a short period of time... Andy didn't start chemotherapy like he was going to this past Monday because our oncologist wanted him to keep his appointment with this new oncologist that is in charge of Andy’s transplant. That appointment was this Wednesday so we had to hold chemo for few days. So we had this appointment with this new doctor and men, I can't even type without getting stressed about all the information that we just got.

So Andy is going to have a bone marrow transplant here pretty soon right after this chemo that we will start on Saturday... Before the transplant they needed to do all this testing and all this exams to get him ready for his transplant. We have spent the last two days at the mayo clinic. He had several doctors’ appointments yesterday, and today he had eight! That's right, eight appointments today and a bone marrow biopsy!! And then tomorrow morning he will be admitted at the same hospital as last time for the next chemo.

For his transplant, Andy won’t need a donor. The way they explained it to us was like “pretend you have a jar of olives and pretend the olives are your cells, if the olives are infected then you need a donor, but if the olives are not infected with cancer but the juice is, then you can use your same olives (cells) to fix you”. So that's why Andy, thank goodness, won’t need a donor and they will be able to use his own cells... The doctor explained the process to us, first they collect his cells, then he needs chemo again and then the transplant. The doctor told us that this new chemo that he is going to have is as if he was having the past 6 chemo that he has had, but in one!!!! Can you imagine?? 6 chemos in one?! This chemo is that bad and that strong. Right after he has this chemo, they do the transplant and then he will have to stay in the hospital another two weeks. The total of time at the mayo clinic will be about 4 weeks!! 

So after this chemo at the Banner hospital we will get transfered right away to the Mayo clinic. We will be sleeping in a house that they will give us there, for a week or two and then after this he will get admitted for this crazy strong chemo and then his transplant. He won’t be able to go home for about 2 months total. They told us that the day of his transplant will be his new birthday! And that will be the day after Thanksgiving! Andy always said he never had his own birthday after our son David was born because they share the same birthday. Haha, so his wish came true and now he will have his very own birthday again... JK, but we are so excited and happy about him being able to start this new life...

The transplant process has been so fast and so perfect. Everything is going great and we have been able to get everything done and ready in just two days and that is a huge blessing.. I am worried about my kids and about how long this process will be, but have to keep thinking that they have a lot of people that love them and that they are going to be okay... My awesome/fun/loving dad left today. He went back to Mexico and I miss him already. He helped so so much with everything! But at the same time I am so incredible excited because my brother Johnny is coming this Sunday!!! I haven't seen my brother in almost four years! He is so funny and fun that my kids will absolutely love being with him... After that my wonderful mom will come to stay with them for a month during the transplant. And of course my best friend and sister and her husband Ben are always right here making sure my kids are okay and helping with whatever they need...so we have a lot of help with my sweet kids.

Speaking of help, I really don't want to leave anyone out, because we have had so much help and love from everyone, but today I want to mention two very important and amazing people in my kids life... First David´s first grade teacher, Miss Arroyo, she has done so so much for my David! She is keeping him every day after school to help him with his homework, she takes him to his baseball practices, she takes him to fun places, she takes him to the park, to wherever he needs to be, she has been just incredible! I am so blessed to have her; she is always willing to help my boy. Another amazing teacher is Miss Lisa, Mia’s preschool teacher. She is also always keeping Mia, taking her back home after school, picking her up for school, taking her to her field trips, and more... so today take a minute to thank your kids teachers because I don't know what would I do without my kids teachers!!! Such a blessing...

Well, I didn't finish this post until today (Sunday), and today is day two of chemo. I just didn't have any time before now to finish this post... Like I said, it’s surprising Andy is doing amazing this time! I know it is just day two, but last chemo at this time he wasn't doing that good. He has been laughing and talking with his family that came to visit from Utah... 

We had an amazing time with them! This morning we started talking about how Andy and I met and about our crazy year while we dated before we got married! I felt so touched about what Andy said about me, about us, I almost wanted to cry thinking of how much we love each other, I bet you are tired of me saying this but our love is something special, something that keeps us strong specially in situations like this one...

One of the things that touched me was when Andy said... I knew from day one that I wanted to spend the eternity with Leyla I was always sure about that and nothing was going to change that.. I feel the same way ... Nothing and no one will be able to keep us apart .. Look at this picture when we were dating and when we got married ! So fun...

I know I talk about how positive and optimistic Andy is, but it truly amazes me! That’s why I always talk about it. He has such a good spirit, he is fighting and he smiles about everything. He makes jokes about his cancer, about his hair, about everything! It is just contagious, if you see him, well of course you can tell he has cancer because of his hair and how skinny he looks (he’s lost 25lbs already), but if you would see how happy he is you would never be able to tell how much he has been through .. You’d never know how much pain he is in, or how nauseous he is, he is just happy, making me smile and asking me to get into his bed so we can watch our tv shows.. I just love him so so much, he is amazing!

Today I am so excited, my brother is coming from Mexico tomorrow! I haven't seen him in such a long time. He truly is my best friend, he is so fun and handsome, funny and silly, loving and just the best brother ever! After that my mom will come for a month to stay and help with my kids during the transplant. Did you notice what a supportive loving family I have? They are just the best I love them so so much ... Andy has always been their favorite, since the minute they met him almost 10 years ago, they just loved him with no questions and he is still the favorite. I joke around that they love him more than they love me! Haha.

Yesterday something special happened to me... I went home because Andy’s awesome aunt Marianne slept here with him. As I was walking to the elevator I saw a lady that was crying and crying non-stop. As she saw me she started walking away trying to just not let anyone see her crying. I had this prompting in my heart and I knew I was going to look silly or like a crazy person but I started walking behind her and finally I caught up and stopped her and gave her a hug. I said “I am so sorry. I don't know you, but I recognize your tears because you look exactly how I have looked for the past months.” And she hugged me and cried even more, she told me her husband was really sick, had cancer and he just had a stroke... She started telling me how she doesn´t have anyone and how tired she was and how sad she was because she didn't believe in God... I started crying with her and I told her, “I hope you don't think I am trying to convert you, I promise is not why I am telling you this, but I am LDS and I can tell you that I have a huge army of prayers and support in my church. They help us with absolutely anything that we need, they care for us, they love us and thanks to my church I am standing and holding up. I love my Heavenly Father, I have a testimony that He is listening to my prayers, I can tell you that I feel Him right here, right now with you and He loves you too, He cares for you, I swear He does and I will keep you in my prayers.” She couldn't stop crying and say “Thank you! You know? This is what I needed to hear, this is what I have been asking for, for a guide, for an answer of what church I should go to.” We gave each other another hug and she left. I didn't catch her name and she didn't catch mine, but the spirit in those 15 minutes was so strong... I am so so grateful for my testimony, for the knowledge and confirmation that God is real, that He truly loves me, that He is helping us out on every single step of the way... I have no idea what I would do without Heavenly Father, my family, my church family, friends and all the support that we have!!!

This has been such a hard road, in every single way, hard for Andy, hard for me, for my kids, for my family, but I know all of this will be behind us soon... Thanks again for all those prayers, keep them coming!

EN ESPAÑOL...

Bueno pues no habia tenido tiempo de escribir y menos de traducir todo pero por fin he tenido unn poco de tiempo en lo que estoy sentada en el hospital, de ante mano mil disculpas si la gramatica no es buena o si ven errores pero casi casi asi como lo escriba asi lo dejare jaja

Pues la semana pasada tuvimos una semana muy ocupada, nos dijeron q seria definitivo que andy tendra dos transplantes de medula osea, esto ayudara a que el cancer no regrese nunca jamas! asi es que el pasado jueves y viernes nos la pasamos en el hospital todo el santo dia haciendo pruebas, tuvo como en total unas 16 citas de diferentes tipos de doctores, le hicieron estuios de todo tipo, dentistas, del corazon, otorrinos, de verdad estudios de cada parte de su cuerpo para asegurarse que es un buen candidato para su transplante...

De ahi nos transfirieron al hospital para que iniciara la segunda ronda de quimioterapias y aqui estamos desde el sabado,...

sorprendentemente andy ha estado super bien, no se ha enfermado tanto, si tiene ascos y se siente muy cansado, pero nada que ver con la vez pasada, todo va como debe de ser y hoy es el dia tres y va muy biien, nos faltan otros dos dias y saliendo de aqui os vamos enseguida al otro hospital el especializado en transplantes para iniciar el proceso y todo lo que tenemos que hacer antes del transplante

Realmente la positividad de andy me impresiona, lo deberian de ver, a las risas, bien a,able, platicando con todo el mundo, sonriendo y dispuesto a luchar y a acabar con todo esto

LEs quiero agradecer a todos por sus oraciones y por su apoyo, los queremos mucho!!

Hoy estoy re que te emocionada por que mi hermano Johnny llega a ayudarme con los niños y con lo que se pueda ofrecer! tiene años que no lo veo y estoy sumanente feliz de poder verlo y abraarlo, realmente tengo una familia increible que me ha apoyado a cada segundo en esta dificil batalla

los quiero!

leyla