Life after Andy's remission...

WOW... I just realized I haven't stopped by this blog for so long... Honestly I have been trying to stay away from the social media, taking a needed break and just using it for business, but today someone asked me about the blog and I opened it and I started reading some of my old posts and omgosh I just can't believe this just happened to us..

 

As you know, Andy was told that he is in remission few weeks ago, it was one of the happiest days of our life, we are SO excited and we feel so blessed, like I said the other day, life will never ever be the same, this Cancer thing changed us for the rest of our life, we didn't lose anything. 

 

I feel like we just won in this entire situation but honestly it definitely marked our family... I never posted any of these pictures of Andy's surgery, he didn't want me to post them back then, I am thinking he didn't want people to see him this weak and in all this pain, but today I asked him if he felt okay with me posting them and he said yes..

 

 I remember those days, the "surgery week.” To start our "surgery week" we crashed our car in the parking lot of the hospital! Isn't that crazy? I remember when we did, Andy looked at me probably expecting to have a crazy mad face because I love my van (yes I love my van LOL) and I just said, ooh well there is nothing that we can do right now, you are having surgery today and I don't care about my car at all, my car still looks the same, we haven't been able to fix it but I can still drive it so that's all I care about...

 

anyways, that's how we started that day... He ended up not having surgery that day but two days later, and I call his surgery a miracle, an act of faith... The doctor didn't have to open his chest, they did everything on his side and they were able to take it all and no radiation?? And being in remission in less than 6 months? It truly was a miracle...

 

That week was so special for me, yes I was so sad to have my husband in an ICU bed, but I felt so good, so happy to be able to help him so much, as I went back in our marriage, I can't remember not even one day were I felt so helpful and so important, I knew he needed me, I knew that having me there made him feel good, I felt so loved and so blessed, every night in that hospital room, I felt honestly and I hope you don't feel that I am just preaching but I felt how my Heavenly Father was sitting right there next to me, telling me, you can do this, you can do this, don't be afraid I am here, you can do this.

 

Honestly now that I go back I have no idea how I did it but we did it... I never left Andy's side for those 5 days, my kids missed me so much but Andy needed me more I remember I slept in this little bench that they had for 4 nights, I remember the pain that Andy was in, and how much that hurt me, but we did it, we had faith and the very first answer that we had 6 months ago was confirmed again...

 

 

He is doing amazing. He is feeling better every day, he still gets so tired, he still sore and he still can't do everything that he wants, but he is so so much better now, his smile is completely back, I can hear his laugh all of the time, he can play with the kids, he can spend quality time with the kids and me, he is slowly getting back to normal and I love it.. Sometimes when we are in the car and I hear a song I instantly start crying and he asks me what's wrong? I say, nothing is wrong, that song makes me cry because I remember that they used to play it in the radio over and over when I was driving you to the Cancer Center and I remember every time I turned and looked at you and that picture of you being so sick comes back to my head, oh I wish I could forget those moments..

 

It changed me, sometimes can't sleep thinking about how my Andy was, I remember especially one day in particular when he got so sick, he lost about 15 lbs that weekend, he was throwing up so much not eating just laying there in bed, I remember that day when I looked at him and I felt so scared, so afraid, I remember the feeling and thinking please Heavenly Father don't let him die, he truly looked like he was dying, and it was the most horrible feeling ... I can't describe how happy our family feels, my kids, oh my kids, they missed him so much, they love to hang out with him, they love our family homes evenings, our little "tradition" of going to Sonic every Monday and singing like crazies in the car with the music so loud and mom and dad dancing and singing on the top of our lungs.

 

They are SO happy to have those moments back... My poor Mia the other day I had to go take pictures at a Quinceanera party, I came back about 1.30 in the morning to find her not asleep,I talked to her and she started crying and she said, please please don't go to the hospital again please don't take daddy... It broke my heart, she thought I left her to take daddy to the hospital, even my little one's life was so touched by this Cancer...

 

 It has been hard for me to go back to "normal" life, it has been hard for me to go out and socialize with friends, to go out to hang out or pretty much anything, I have no idea why but I feel like I don't want to and can't leave my family, I know I need to move on and just enjoy life but as of right now all I want is be next to Andy and the kids...

 

We have to go back to the cancer Center in few weeks, he has to get checked every 3 months, for a year, then every 4, then every 6, then once a year, I can't explain the anxiety that I feel about these check ups. I just can hope to stay strong and positive and like I said, enjoy every little thing with him and my kids... Thanks again everyone for your help and support in the last 6 months, we totally feel your love and your prayers... We love you and we hope we can give back everything that you guys did for us...

 

The other day Andy shared his testimony at our church, he said some beautiful words that I wish would have written them down but I didn't, all I can say is that he is such a special man, dad and husband... I can't believe everything that he did for us, fighting llike he did, I am so proud of him I love him and respect him, he is my hero and my everything and I can't wait to spend more and more years next to him...

 

 

A Timeline and details of Andy's surgery

Andy is doing okay... He has a lot of pain and he couldn't sleep last night. He was up since 12 and finally fall asleep around 7 am... He has oxygen, a catheter and something else to drain the blood from his chest. He is in the Cardiothoracic ICU... Why do we say that his surgery is an act of faith and a miracle? Well when we saw the surgeon at her office she said that she was going to do a Sternogomy she explained to us how she was going to cut his chest bones remove his nerve and probably cut a little piece of his heart ... When we came in for the surgery his doctors talked to us and they said that they got together and talked about Andy's case and they came to the conclusion that they were going to give it a try and operate just with the camera on his right side of his chest. They said pretty much don't get excited it is just a 20% chance that this can be successful, if it works we will just make a bigger incision to vacuum the tumor from his side and this should take around 2 to 3 hours but if this doesn't work we are going to have to close that incision and open his chest like we had planed before... When the surgeon came to talk to us before surgery I told her that a LOT of people were praying for her and she said, "for me? No, pray for him." and we told her yes for you too and she just smiled.. So they took him in... To be honest I lost it while he was in surgery, I tried and tried to be okay I prayed in my heart and I just couldn't get peace in my heart I was so nervous and so worried for him. He left me a note that said to read it when they take me in, so I did, and it was so funny how much Andy knows me because the first words in his note said Can you please stop crying??? Lol he knows me so good. We were waiting there. I took some time to write and cry, my mother and father in law where there the entire time waiting for Andy. We got a phone call telling us that things were going okay. We had to wait a little longer and then finally the Doctor came ... She said Andy did really good, everything went good we did everything with the camera and we didn't have to open his chest, we were able to remove the tumor the tumor was pretty big still (they told us this morning that it was bigger than they expected it to be) but they got it all out, she said they were able to leave his nerve intact and they didn't have to cut part of his heart. They are sending the big tumor to pathology. She said they are going to see if the tumor doesn't have any active cancer cells. Andy should be done with everything but if it does she said probably our Oncologist will want Andy to have radiations... She also said that they removed the other small tumor and great news it was benign no cancer in that one 😊 she showed us and gave us the pictures of everything and I have her a hug. I just had to. I started crying happy tears so many happy tears I was so happy for him to be closer to the end. I was so happy to know that my Heavenly Father hasn't left us alone not even for a minute. I was so happy to remember that all he wants us to do is be okay and happy. I was amazed with the power of prayers I mean just a 20% chance and it worked? That is a miracle for us not having to open his chest bones and being able to remove absolutely everything without damaging anything at all is an answer to or prayers. I am full if joy and happiness. I am so thankful with every single one of you that took a minute and said a prayer for Andy and the doctors ... After that I wasn't able to see him because he wasn't awake yet but it was such a happy moment when I got to call my mom and my sister and more family and my best friend and the great news ... After about an hour or so I got to see Andy again, he was talking here and there and he kept asking me if he said funny things. He was also asking me did you eat? Did you eat? Always worrying for me and the kids .. When the nurse came to talk to me she said all Andy is taking about are his kids, he told me David loves to play baseball and Mia loves to sing, you have a beautiful family she said... That's Andy a loving husband and dad that even when he is not awake he keeps thinking about us... We were there until 8 pm and then they moved him to a room In The Cardiothoracic ICU. It was sad to see how they moved him because he was in a lot of pain... He got some sleep for like 9 pm until 12 and then he couldn't sleep with all nurses in and out doctors, X-rays, labs and more... They gave him a pain button but they told me I can't push it from him so if he sleeps he doesn't push it and when he wakes up then he can't stand the pain but they said the pain should get less and less. Andy is such a fighter I am so proud of him he is doing amazing and I know we are getting closer to the end of this trial at least for now ...

Something else that hapend to me yesterday, I called my brother in the morning, he wanted to talk to Andy, he loves Andy, he always did, and he was so sad about yesterday, my mom told me Johnny, my brother, was crying a lot after Andy talked to him, she said he was having a really hard time not being able to be here with us... Johnny has been a little inactive in the church for few weeks maybe months, I called him again last night after Andy was done with his surgery and he started crying and he said you are not going to believe what hapend to me, right after we were done talking this morning I started crying and praying so hard and right at that moment someone came to my door, it was the missionaries!!! And I can't believe how they came when I needed to hear from them, I am so sorry that I haven't been at church I am going back this Sunday 😊 Once again I am so thankful that we are so close to our Heavenly Father, I can't imagine living this trial without him right next to us... 

During surgery

Well I am sitting here at the waiting area waiting for Andy.. and I am not sure why I am trying to write at this moment but I guess I need to get out what I am feeling right now, not sure if I should share it or not but here I am trying to keep things on paper so one day me, Andy and my kids can know about everything..

Andy had a good day yesterday, after they told us that he was not going to have surgery yesterday, he felt pretty okay about it, we knew it was the right thing to do so we just went back home. We had a long long nap and he got to spend more time with the kids. He kept David up until 10 pm playing video games and this morning he got up and play with Mia and he let her put some make up on him haha... Its like if Mia knew what was going on, she kept hugging him and kissing him all morning, right before we left we took some pictures ..

We left the house and we went over to David's school to say hi to him, Andy wanted to give him a dollar so he could buy an Ice at the school, David didn't know we were going so he was pretty excited when he saw Andy.  We took some more pictures there.

I remember that afternoon when we found out that Andy had cancer, the oncologist told us, surgery is a possibility, and here we are, waiting for him while he is in surgery...
I am not sure what to feel or what to think, millions of things are going around in my head, I am feeling a little afraid, a little nervous, a little sad, well not a little, a lot, I am trying to tell myself that he is going to be okay that this is just one more step on our journey but seriously, who wouldn't be sad while knowing that they are opening your husband and messing around with his heart...who can be okay knowing that they will cut a part of his lungs, I know that a lot of people in the world do this, but Andy, my Andy...
I need to trust what I was promised. I need to remember that he is going to be okay but right now all I feel is scared, afraid.

Like I told him, I feel so sorry that he has to do this, I love him so so much that I wish it was me the one that was on that table right now, I love him with all of my heart and I couldn't let go of his hand, I think I was holding his hand for the past 2 hours I didn't want to let it go I just want to see him and tell him how much I love him..

Andy and me had such a hard time right before we got married, some of you don't know but Andy did his mission in Mexico and that's where we met, so when he was done with his mission, we saw each other in Salt Lake City, Utah, and the very first day that we saw each other, right then, at the very first time that we were able to sit next to each other, he looked at my eyes and asked me if I wanted to get married to him, and right that moment, without thinking, I told him yes, what were we thinking - who knows, but we felt that it was the right thing to do, he told me, I have been praying about it and I had my answer, I want to spend the eternity with you and all he had was a CTR ring with him and that's all we needed, we hadn't even had our first kiss right at that point but we didn't need to kiss, we didn't need a ring, we knew that we were meant for each other and that's how everything started.. It took us a year to get married and it was such a hard year, for different reasons but a lot of people didn't want us to get married and now I understand why, I mean what a crazy idea, get married with someone that you don't know? True love like Ana from frozen said, but it can really happen, it happened to me , and Andy was so strong with his decision, he always knew that he wanted to get married to me and he didn't care about comments or disappointment he decided to fight strong and get married to me, and after a year we did, we got married and I can tell you that it was the easiest decision that we have ever made... We have been so happy together, we are the kind of couple that can't be apart from each other, we are always laughing together, watching our crazy TV shows together, we love to spend time with each other, and I am so grateful to have him with me, he really is such a good guy...

Last Sunday at church they were talking about trials, they were saying trials are here for a reason, is not just that Heavenly Father wants to make you sad or wants you to suffer, trials have a purpose and one of them is to teach you what you were suppose to learn here on earth, trials are here to make you complete, to make you stronger, to make you smarter, to make you kind but the most important here, trials are here with the promise that if you are strong and live them you will be back with our Heavenly Father one day...
I am here living the hardest trial in my life, I am not sure if I already learned what I was suppose to learn, I am not sure if I still have more to learn about this trial but I know that I want to be with my Heavenly Father one day, and if I had to live this trial again I would happily do it all over again..
I also know what I already learned from this trial, I learned that life is so short, you can't be wasting your life in things that aren't really important, don't worry about your job, about your financial situation, don't worry about what car you want or where are you going to go on vacations, worry about how close you are with Heavenly Father, worry about how much your family is important to you, worry about loving your husband and tell him and thank him for everything that he does for you and your kids, thank him and give him the importance that he deserves, don't spend your time making him worry about things that are not really important, as long as you have him there with you and healthy, truly there is nothing else that matters, enjoy the time with your kids, love them, teach them hug them, once again, life is so short and so crazy and you never know what trial is about to come to your door, love love love so when this trial comes, you are ready for it, you are strong for it and you have no regrets..
That's one of the things that I learned from Andy, I kept asking him, is there anything that you want to do before surgery? Is anything that you want to eat, somewhere you want to go, something, and he always said, Leyla, nothing, all I want is to be with you and the kids, there is nothing else that I want to do, there is no other important thing for me other than that

So I feel like I should be done writing for right now, maybe I will write 20 posts today but all I want to say is that please please don't wait until a trial comes to your life to actually live life
we love to spend time with each other, and I am so grateful to have him with me, he really is such a good guy...
Last Sunday at church they were talking about trials, they were saying trials are here for a reason, it's not just that Heavenly Father wants to make you sad or wants you to suffer, trials have a purpose and one of them is to teach you what you were suppose to learn here on earth, trials are here to make you complete, to make you stronger, to make you smarter, to make you kind but the most important here, trials are here with the promise that if you are strong and live them you will be back with our Heavenly Father one day...
I am here living the hardest trial in my life, I am not sure if I already learned what I was suppose to learn, I am not sure if I still have more to learn about this trial but I know that I want to be with my Heavenly Father one day, and if I had to live this trial again I would happily do it all over again..
I also know what I already learned from this trial, I learned that life is so short, you can't be wasting your life in things that aren't really important, don't worry about your job, about your financial situation, don't worry about what car you want or where are you going to go on vacations, worry about how close you are with Heavenly Father, worry about how much your family is important to you, worry about loving your husband and tell him and thank t him for everything that he does for you and your kids, thank him and give him the importance that he deserves, don't spend your time making him worry about things that are not really important, as long as you have him there with you and healthy, truly there is nothing else that matters, enjoy the time with your kids, love them, teach them hug them, once again, life is so short and so crazy and you never know what trial is about to come to your door, love love love so when this trial comes, you are ready for it, you are strong for it and you have no regrets..
That's one of the things that I learned from Andy, I kept asking him, is there anything that you want to do before surgery? Is anything that you want to eat, somewhere you want to go, something, and he always said, Leyla, nothing, all I want is to be with you and the kids, there is nothing else that I want to do, there is no other important thing for me other than that

Andy's Surgery

I am sorry I know I said I was going to post more details about Andy's surgery and I haven't done It yet...

Life has been so busy and crazy, I have been working really hard on my photography. So between pictures and editing, the kids and getting things ready for surgery, I haven't had any extra time to write or just to take a little break...

We are enjoying every single minute of the days before surgery. We have spent so much time together as a family and I love every single minute of it. Andy has been playing so much with the kids, they are laughing, dancing, singing or playing sports all day long. We are going to miss him so much but we know that pretty soon he will be back to normal.

His surgery will be this Wednesday at 7.30 am. We have to be there at 5.30 am, so it will be a long day. The surgery is a really complicated surgery, I didn't give any more details on Facebook because is kind of long to explain. Also because maybe I wasn't ready to talk about what my husband is going to have to suffer. But, he wants me to explain it, so he doesn't have to be explaining it, since a lot of people are worried for him and he has been getting tons of texts and phone calls wondering about the surgery. The surgery will be an open heart surgery. The steps to this surgery are very similar to a heart surgery. When Andy had chemotherapy, the tumor shrank a lot, but unfortunately when it did, it stayed next to his heart. So when they remove his tumor, the doctor was talking about the possibility of having to cut a little piece of his heart, maybe leave it open or maybe just put a patch on his heart. Another thing that will probably happen, and I say probably because the doctor said that she can't confirm anything until she sees how things are during the surgery, is that we have two nerves on each side of our lungs, the nerves are the ones that are in charge of getting air into your lungs and getting the air out. Well, Andy's tumor is against that nerve, kind of covering this nerve. So they are probably going to remove it. This will make it that Andy won't be able to breathe as normal as he was used to because his lungs will be working with just one nerve. Something else that they are going to do is, yes it was true that they found another two tumors on the other side, on Andy's right lung, they are not that big but the surgeon wants to remove them before they become a problem. So they are also going to cut part of his lungs and kind of staple them. In order to do this surgery they need to cut Andy's chest bones and ribs, it is a pretty big incision, they will put his bones together with some surgical wire. He will have to stay 3 days in the hospital if everything goes good, and then he will be in recovery for 6 to 8 weeks. After those 6 to 8 weeks, he needs to go back (probably) so they can remove the wires that they used to keep the bones together.. After all of this, he will have to do another PET scan so they can see how his tumor markers are, we hope that they go back to normal but if they don't., he will need to have radiation.

To be honest the day that we found out how things were going to be, I tried to be okay all day long, and that night I lost it, I was so afraid. I was scared, I was so sad knowing that after everything Andy has to do something else. Seeing him during chemo was horrible and in my eyes, I felt like that was enough. But things got better and after several times praying I finally went back to my first answer that I got, Andy is going to be okay. No one told me how long or what it was going to take in order for him to be okay, but someone told me that he was going to be okay and I need to keep reminding myself that it is going to be this way. This Friday we went to the Temple. We both felt the need to go to this amazing place and get a little closer to our Heavenly Father. Since the minute that we got there, I felt so much peace. I felt like I didn't have to pretend anymore to anyone how I really felt, I felt like I was finally able to just show how weak and tired I feel about this situation. After we were done and we got into the Celestial room, I started crying not as usual, I started crying like a little kid, I remember I saw once a little boy got lost at a shopping center I remember his face, his tears, he was so scared, he felt lost. Well, I was crying the exactly same way that that little boy. I felt like I didn't have to pretend to be the strong woman that I have been trying to be for the past 6 months. I finally gave myself the opportunity to open my heart and get all my feelings out, I remember that I took a minute to explain to Andy what was happening. I told him, "it feels like I can even hear Heavenly Father telling me, Leyla it's okay. You can cry, it's okay to be scared, it's okay to be sad. Don't worry I am here to hug you, I am here to wipe your tears. You can be honest with me because I already know how you feel. It's okay not to be strong, as long as you know that what I promised you is the truth. Being afraid, it's okay"..... I felt so so much better after we left the Temple.

And to be honest, I am still afraid, I am still nervous. I mean, an open heart surgery? it is a lot to take in, but every time that I find myself with all these questions, I look at Andy and I see what an amazing man he is. He always has a smile on his face, even with everything that is happening to him. He is so positive about this situation, he always has the right words for me. He is so loving and such a good dad and I keep telling myself, this place needs someone like him. We still have so much to learn together, we still need to go to Hawaii one day, we still need to go back to Mexico. We still need to go on all those trips that we had planned. We still need to raise our kids and show them how much we love them. We still have to get old like we always talk about. We used to tell each other that we are going to be one of those 99 year old couples holding hands and kissing and having fun and making jokes together, and I believe and I know that it will be this way.

I know that everyone is praying for him, for me, for my kids, and I am so grateful for that. But, please please keep him in your prayers especially this week. I know that Heavenly Father is listening to every single one of your prayers and I know that He will keep showing us how much He loves us. We love you all we are so blessed to have you in our lives. This journey is not over but every day we feel we are closer to the end...

Video of the last week of Chemotheraphy

(VIDEO at the end)

This past week has been one emotional week. We had so many experiences and we felt so much love from everyone, I can seriously say that I can almost touch the love that everyone is giving us, so many prayers, and so much love that we can’t even explain it…

This last week was Andy’s last week of chemotherapy, even though we know this doesn’t mean he is CANCER FREE this was such a Victory… the Doctor talked to us and he explained to us that the regimen that Andy was on is one of the most aggressive and strongest ones that they have out there; I mean 5 days a week 8 hours a day every three weeks for four cycles? I am so proud of Andy. He really was in so much pain, so much nausea, tired, horrible pain after his shot and such an emotional experience that I feel so lucky to have him as my husband. He truly is an example for me, such a  fighter…

In this almost four months since we went to the cancer center, we have met so many people and we were the first ones of of arriving there and the last ones to leave and in all of those days we never, ever saw - not even one person - doing the same regimen that he was doing…

Having an eleven cm tumor and two 4cm tumors in the lymph nodes is a pretty scary thing but today we got to go to the Cancer center and they gave us the wonderful news that Andy’s tumor markers levels are way down, he started at 8000 when the normal is 0 to 8, last time they checked he was at 900 and today he is at 32!! Still higher than where they want him to be, but his body is responding so good that we are just enjoying this moment. They are going to test him once a week because the Doctor said that even that he is done with the treatments the levels will continue to go down because all of the chemo that is still in his body.  It will still take some time for him to feel back to normal. After this they are going to check him once a week and see how the tumor markers are doing and then after that he will have another PET scan to see if the tumor is smaller than 3cm and also to see if there are not active cells of cancer…

Whatever the future holds whatever is next, we are so excited this experience has been one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to us.  I  feel so lucky and so blessed for the opportunity that I had to live this and to become a better person… I still remember on the last day of the year 2013 I was complaining and saying that I was not ready and that I couldn’t wait until the end of March and now I am here and I can tell you how lucky I am.  I have became closer to my husband.  He truly is an amazing man and he is my best friend.  we have had the chance to spent to much time together.  We have talked more than we ever talked before, we laughed and cried together, we had the chance to have tons of dates at the cancer center J  We got the opportunity to feel the Spirit on a daily basis.  We have felt and feel so close to our Heavenly Father that I swear I would do it all over again…

I learned so many things in the past few months.  I had the chance to get closer to my extended family and I learned that to love someone doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything that they do or say.  You just love someone for who they are. I also gave myself the opportunity to forgive and to ask of forgiveness, I am still not perfect but I do see myself both before Andy’s Cancer and after. I learned to appreciate my family more than ever before, the love of my sister, my dad, my mom and my brother.  They never left me not even for a minute- always there.  Everything was good, if I had a complaint, it would be all of those new wrinkles that I have around my eyes now.  LOL

I have recorded what I could get of his last week of chemo and I am so glad that I did. I put this small video together and I went back today and watched it.  I hope my kids, one day, can go back and see how much their daddy loves them - enough to fight against this Cancer thing, enough to always have a smile for them…   When I was watching this video I kept laughing because if you don’t know Andy, you are going to say, "man, he is grumpy he is always mad."  But Andy is such a sarcastic person, every single comment that he made, made me laugh because I know he says it in a sarcastic way and I love it…

Today is my birthday, I am 31, my little boy was asking me what I wanted for my birthday and I said that all I want was to spend the day with you, your sister and daddy.  That’s truly all I want.. and it has been amazing.  I woke up and Skyped with my mom and sister while my kids and Andy sang happy birthday in Spanish to me ( las mananitas).  And even though Andy was so tired and feels so sick, he woke up at 6am to make breakfast for me.  He wrote me a note that  I will treasure forever, as I told him this has been the best birthday of my life… I am a lucky woman!

I love my husband and I hope that when you see this video you can feel and see how much this guy suffered.  He fell a few times and he always got up, and the most important thing he never gave    up and he never will.

Here is the link in case you can't open it from here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Y9OXschX0

Bake sale and boutique Fundraiser for Andy Moss. Saturday March 29th

We are so excited and relieved that Andy’s chemo treatments are finished… at least for the next 6 weeks until the doctors decide what the next step for him is. We have been so blessed by amazing family and friend support, as well as support from kind and loving strangers. We feel of your love and prayers and want to thank you for everything you are doing to help us.

We know many of you have supported events in the past for us and we wanted to let you know of another amazing event that will help us meet the demands of our medical bills and life expenses. 

 On Saturday, March 29 from 9-12 at 650 S Cooper Rd there will be a bake sale and boutique. Homemade food will be on sale as well as smoked pulled pork that must be pre-ordered by Mar 26 (2 lbs for $18). 
  If you are able to donate any baked goods or homemade crafts, please contact Liz @ 480-202-0643. If you are able to come and support us on March 29th, we would be so grateful.

Sunday before chemo...

Here I am. A day like today 3 months ago, my life was completely normal. I remember exactly what I was doing 3 months ago. My routine was working at the elementary school in the morning, going to the gym, doing photography and being a stay home mom, and in one second my life totally changed. 100 %. I am not sad or mad about this, I am actually happy with the 3 last months. Everything has been so fast, I don’t even know when the time went. For me, this has been just few days, not that I am used to our situation but it doesn't seem like that tragedy 3 months ago.

 But even though this has been fast, I feel like I am barely making it. I promise I am not complaining but at this point of my life I just feel like my body and my mind are about to be done... It has been such a rollercoaster of emotions. As some of you know, Andy was supposed to start chemotherapy, what we hope will be his last round. Last Monday, we got to the cancer center and the nurse told him that he couldn't start because his red cell count (hemoglobin) was too low, so he needed to get a blood transfusion.

 I was so scared about that, I just couldn't process the idea of having someone else blood in his body, I have heard about horrible stories and I was freaking out, but we didn't have any other option, so he did it. He was hooked up for 5 hours getting blood and after that we came home. They did another blood test and the day after (Wednesday) he was able to start chemo again. He told me, “I can't believe I am excited to start chemo!” and I was so excited too. Four exhausting rounds of chemo are about to be over, we hope. He started chemo and it was so awesome to go back to the cancer center. He has made so many friends there and the love that we feel there is so amazing. Nurses know him, the office people know him, the social workers, the patients, etc. You will always see someone there that became Andy's friend or mine So because of him starting late he won’t be done until next Tuesday. This weekend has been a hard one, not as bad as the other ones but Andy is so tired.

He has nausea and he was getting dehydrated so they sent a home care nurse to teach me how to put all the meds in his PIC line. My mom is a doctor in Mexico and I remember her on daily basis trying to make me help her or get involved in that field. I never liked it. I always passed out but here I am being a nurse for him and its actually not that bad. I actually like it now and I am getting used to flushing his PIC line and all those things that they are having me do for him. I also have to recognized two important and amazing people in my life.

This chemo week is always hard, especially for my kids. I am leaving them all of the time, they can't be loud and crazy and they miss their daddy so much. But seriously my sister and my dad( he came to help again from Mexico) have been helping me a lot. I see how my kids see my sister as their mom and it makes me feel so safe and so happy to know that even if I am not there, they are feeling love from someone. I love you Jona!

And my dad, what can I say? He is an amazing man. I am so grateful for everything that he is doing of me and my family. I see him taking my kids to the park every day, feeding them, playing with them and they love him so much. One of my favorite things is to come home after chemo and see Mia’s hair and he asks me, “Did I do good today with her hair?” And I say, “Yes she looks so cute!” But the truth is that Mia’s pig tails are one up and one down and the line behind her hair is totally a mess but the fact that he tries to do her hair just melts my heart. Today I couldn't go to church because the home care nurse came to make sure I knew what I was doing with Andy's hydration bag and PIC line

But even when I couldn't go, I had such a spiritual Sunday. As some of you know some friends of our family, the Laparra's, had a horrible accident. Laura was walking to serve at the Gilbert Temple and a car ran over her. She was in ICU for weeks and she was so so sick. Her husband, Gilberto, is one of Andy's friends and he came to visit him today.

We haven't seen Gilberto since before the accident and having him here was so emotional. I wish I had record it everything that he said to us because his testimony really touched m.. Talking with him, he said that he knew that Heavenly Father has a plan for Laura and for Andy. He said that he was so afraid and the test of his faith was hard, he wanted to get a confirmation on his own. He wanted to know that Laura was going to be okay but it took him days to really feel and get his answer that she was going to be okay. He said, “Andy, I never heard a voice. The Spirit never came and spoke to me. I never felt someone or something like that, but I felt my answer with all of the prayers. I felt Heavenly Father's love and answers with the love of people, with the help, with the texts, calls and all of the love that we felt from everyone, and yes I was afraid and yes I didn't believe that she was going to be okay but after I felt all that love, I knew. I got my answer and my confirmation that she was going to be okay. Heavenly Father truly knows what and why everything is happening to you and to Laura and He loves you. He loves your wife, He knows what she is going thru and He will never leave you. Make sure you guys write down everything that is happening to you guys so one day your kids, when they grow up and they have their own trials, can know and see how their parents went through this trial, how their parents were strong and had a testimony of Heavenly Father. Write everything down because this is the only way they will know how much you guys love each other. This experience is the most amazing thing that had happened to us because it got me closer to my wife, the love that we have for each other went to another level, the love that we have is stronger than anything and I know that you and Leyla feel the same way.”

My kids were in the same room, they were screaming and laughing and playing and even though they were so loud, I can tell you how much peace I felt in my heart. The Spirit was so strong in our house and I feel so blessed for the friends that we have. After that, I put my kids to bed and I went to visit Laura Laparra. As you know, I cry a lot. I am a very emotional person and when I saw Laura, I cried, not because I was sad but because I was so, so happy to see her. I couldn't believe it. I gave her a big hug and told her how excited I was to see that miracle, because that is what she is, a true miracle.

And after that I went and visited another friend Erika who was in the hospital very sick too, and she told me one thing that touched my heart, she said, “Andy's situation touched so many hearts, especially ours. Me and my husband were so touched for everything that is happening to him and I know that his situation is moving so many other hearts.” I came home and got everything ready for tomorrow; breakfast for Andy, his lunch, his medication, his clothes and everything that we need to go to the Cancer Center tomorrow. I was feeling so tired this morning, a little confused, a little done with everything but once again Heavenly Father sent me what I needed to hear and here I am, ready to keep fighting, ready to finish strong. I have been singing this song all day.

My sister, Jona, used to sing this song to me in times of trials, and every time I hear it, I think about her but today, I have been singing it and thinking about how much Heavenly Father loves me, loves Andy and He is telling me the same thing as this song. “Remember that I am here, remember that I am here for you, no matter what I will fight with you. If you are happy or sad, if you are afraid, remember that I am here for you.” It is in Spanish so I am sorry but if you speak Spanish you can cry with me LOL Thank you everyone for your prayers and your help and support.