LONG DAYS
Andy is doing better today. By better I mean he is stable. Not good but not worse, so I guess that's a good thing...
A few days ago the doctors found out that he is neutropenic. This means his white cells are very low, at 2.1 when the normal in a healthy body is 1000-1500. We have white cells and red cells on our bodies and the white cells are the ones that make your immune system work. When your white cells are so low, you have high risk to catch ANY kind of infection and if you do catch something most likely your body wont be able to fight the infection...
Well, I don't even remember the day, but Andy got an infection, we are not sure what kind. They did tests and everything but they still can't figure out what kind of infection he has. He had a 104 fever and he wasn't doing so good, his heart rate was SO high. They put some antibiotics on his port and finally his fever is getting better, today it’s just 99.9. Not that high but still not normal so they did more tests today and hopefully they know what to do.
Two nights ago he had a bad night. My mother in law says he always had dreams and would talk like crazy in his sleep when he was sick. That night was more than dreams, he was awake his eyes were open and he was hallucinating. He kept trying to get things that were not there and kept telling me to stop the table that was moving and things like that. It was pretty scary, at least scary for me because I have never seen him like that. It was more than just dreams, they think is because of all the drugs that he is getting...
He still hasn't eaten anything in 7 days now. Nothing, no solids, but at least now he can drink water and hasn’t thrown up all day today. So that's why I say he seems better today...
It has been some rough days, I have slept in the hospital every single night for 10 nights!! I have been here all day (except for the hour or two that I leave to shower and see the kids) and days have been long, stressful and boring... Yesterday was a hard hard day for me, I felt so emotional, everything was making me cry, I was missing my kids so much. Last night my in laws came back, they were gone for 5 days. They went to their stake camp. Everyone left his sisters, brothers and everyone else. I honestly felt so lonely and desperate. I think not sleeping good was making me go crazy, so last night they came back... And I had to ask my father in law to stay with Andy during the night, I just couldn't do it anymore. I left and went to sleep at our house after 10 long nights...
The kids came home too, and we went to bed together. They were so excited to be back home for at least one day...
I felt the spirit so strong this morning. I felt what I needed to feel to come back to the hospital with a new and recharged soul... In our church, once a month we fast and pray and that same Sunday we have something called testimony meeting. Everyone there at sacrament who feels and wants to share their testimony can go and share it. I am not a big fan of it because of my accent, especially because every time that I share it I cry... so you can imagine a Mexican accent mix with a crying sobbing accent. Haha, but I felt like I needed to do it...
I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember the feeling that I had, and I still have. I saw all of those faces of my church family looking at me and crying with me. I felt their love and support. I felt the arms of my Heavenly Father reminding me that he is here for me. I just need to calm down and listen to the still small voice. I remember the face of my kids and the hug that they gave me when I was done sharing my testimony. David told me, “Mom we know you love us don't worry about that!” And that friends, is all I need to remember. (I found this old pictire of one of our visits to Mexico)
Let me tell you, this cancer is not only in Andy’s body... this cancer is in my soul and heart too. This cancer has been trying to bring me down, it has been trying to kill me too, it has been trying to make me feel like I wont make it, but this cancer doesn't know that I have something stronger than him. I have the love of my Heavenly Father... if this cancer just knew how powerful my Heavenly Father is, he would run away from us, but we are going to show and prove that we are stronger than cancer..
I am so grateful for the knowledge that prayers can be answered. I have spent a long time on my knees. I know that every single one of you are praying for us. I know people in Utah, Canada, Mexico, California, Ohio, Arizona and all over the place are praying for us, and I have a testimony that Heavenly Father is listening to all of these prayers! I just need to be calm and still so I can listen to His answers...
I know I have said this several times already and you all know it, but I love Andy so so much! He is a wonderful person, probably what it hurts me the most is to remember what an amazing 4 months after remission we had... We became even better friends, we stayed up late watching our shows, we talked and talked more than ever before, we laughed and enjoy every single day together, we went on dates, we danced, we sang like crazies in the car, we had our "dance parties" with our kids, we just enjoyed every single minute that we had...
It’s sad that sometimes trials have to happen in your life in order to appreciate the small things, but that's what has happened to us. After cancer came into our lives, we had to stop and realize what are the important things in this life... God and family... Seriously nothing else matters, absolutely nothing... I also already said this here in this blog, but if you are having a hard time with your family, with work, financial problems, love, heath, or whatever... Take a minute to sit down and stop, let those worries go away and enjoy! Enjoy what you have enjoy every single second of it. Don't wait for a trial to come to realize how lucky you are, to realize how much you have... it took a trail for me to realize that I was wasting my time worrying about stupid things that don’t matter any more. I was wasting my time not loving one hundred percent, not enjoying the air, enjoying laughter, enjoying a hug, simply singing a song with my husband. Don't waste your time, because sometimes that time never comes back
I miss my Andy so much. I am so glad we had those 4 amazing, incredible months to love each other so much! I am so glad that we got those 4 months to make our kids happy. I am so glad that we got those 4 months so he could recover and get even stronger to fight this second time...
Here is the link to send to everyone to register for the walk.. Registration is open
https://runsignup.com/Race/AZ/Mesa/AndysRun
Also the sweet Rachael Fort is having a Pampered chef party this week and some porcebtage of her sales will go to our family
Last thing thanks so so much to his amazing co workers! They had a fundraiser event, it was just amazing We are so lucky and blessed thanks Hotchalk for what you are doing for us we are so grateful ...
Thanks everyone!!
DIAS LARGOS
Nuevmenteno voy a traducir exactamente lo que escribi en ingles porque de aqui a que lo escribi y traduzco todo ya se enfrio mi chocolatito jaja..
Hemos pasado ya once dias en el hospital, once dias?? tuve que ver mic alendario para contar cauntos dias llevamos aqui!han sido dias largos y pesados y dias muy emocionales para mi...
Andy sigue mal pero no peor y creo que eso es un avance, sus celulas blancas siguen bajas, lo que quiere decir que su sistema inmunologico esta como quien dice no esta mas bien no existe y puede agarrar cualquier tipo de infeccion, desde respiratoria hasta intestinal, y bueno esto paso, hace dos dias le dio una infeccion, aunno sabemos de que, aun siguen haciendole pruebas para poder encontrar que es lo que tiene
pero dijo que esta mejor porque ya no ha vomitado desde ayer en la manana, ha estado casi dormido todo el tiempo pero hoy se paro y hablo con los ninos por skype, y bueno no se ve mejor pero no peor y pues eso es una bendicion
Yo estoy super super cansada, no he dormido en mi camita desde hace 10 dias, me la he pasado aqui con el dia y noche, bueno de repente me voy unas dos horas a ver a mis hijos, casi los he idoa ver diario, pero practicamente me la he pasado aqui dia y noche, hasta anoche que mis suegros regresaron de un campamento que se fueron y le pedi ami suegro que se quedara a dormir con andy por q de verdad ya no aguantaba mas, por fin pude dormir! claro no dormi en mi camita por q senti feo dormir ahi y no tneer a andy a mi lado asi es que acabe en la litera de David jaja, pero dormi tan bien!
Es increible lo que una buena noche de dormir te puede ayudar
Hoy desperte con diferente mentalidad, viendo lsa cosas de una manera mas positiva... fui a la iglesia y eso me ayud o mucho, enn uestra iglesia , mormona como le llaman, cada cuatro domingos tenemos algo que se le llama domingo de testimonios, es super padre este domingo, las personas que sientan el espiritu y tengan las ganas de pasar a hablar en el microfono enfrente de toodos pueden pasar, y yo pase, la verdad casi no me gusta pasar porque aun tengo un acentobien mexicanote y luego casi casi que siempre paso me pongo a chillar ya saben igualita que mi mama, o mis tias paez, jaja, pero pase, senti la necesidad de pasar y dar mi testimonio, realmente no me acuerdo exactamente lo que dije, pero me acuerdo de lo que senti, me acuerdo de ver las caras de los miembros de la iglesia llorando conmigo, meacuerdo del amor y e apoyo que senti, me cuerdo del abrazo que mi david me dio y me dijo, mami no te preocupes por nosotros, sabemos que nos qiueres mucho y estamos bien note preocupes...
Sinceramente extrano mucho a Andy, estaba acordandome de que momento tan padres pasamos despues de que nos enteramos que ya no tenia Cancer este Mayo pasado, realmente nos convertimos amigos, mejores amigos, mucho mas que antes, complices, nos reimos, bailamos, cantamos, nos la pasabamos cantando como locos en el carro, salimos al cine, a comer, a citas, jugamos, reimos, nos abrazamos, simplemente disfrutamos cada segundo... es triste darse cuenta que a veces tienen que pasarte pruebas en la vida para que aprendas a apreciar las cosas que tienes, y eso me paso a mi, este cancer tuvo que pasarle a Andy para que yo aprendiera a valorar la voda, a valorar el aire, a valorar las flores, las risas, la compania amor y amistad de Andy,...
Ya se que ya lo he dicho varias veces aqui en este blog, pero de verdad, no desaproveches el tiempo preocupandote por cosas que no son importantes, dinero, amor, trabajo, realmente esas cosas no importan, al final lo unico importante es dios y tu familia, aprovecha cada segundo que tengas para disfrutar de esas dos cosas, porque cuando menos te lo esperas es demasiado tarde... asi es que disfruta, vive, goza, ama lo mas que puedas por que el tiempo nunca regresa y las memorias que construyes, el amor y dios siempre estaran ahi...
Hoy estoy agradecida con dios y con la vida por esos 4 meses de absoluta felicidad que tuve conandy y mis hijos, fueron como un sueno, estoy agradecida con dios por haberme dado una segunda oportunidad de corregir mis errores y aprender a amar plenamente, sin prejuicios, celos o control, de aprender a amar asic mo Dios me ama a mi... estoy agradecida porque andy tuvo 4 meses para recuperarse, para comer bien, para hacer ejercicio, para disfrutar a sus hijos para poder continuar luchando contra este cancer, este cancer que no tiene idea de lo que esta haciendo
Este cancer se vino a meter en el lugar equivocado, este cancer es fuerte, es malo, es venenoso, pero no sabe que yo tengo almo mas poderoso que el y eso es mi Padre Celestial, el no me ha abandonado, siento su amor, siento sus brazos y su calor, tengo fe, tengo mucha fe y no me queda nada mas que recordar esos 4 maravillosos meses que pase con andy y mis hijos y tenerlos como un recuerdo de algo que pronto volvera a pasar
Gracias a todos por sus oraciones
Los quiero mucho!!!
Ahh sii y perdon por las faltas de ortografia, nunca fui buena para la gramatica y ahora menos que casi no escribo en espanol
gracias y sigan pidiendo por mi andy
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