LONG DAYS

LONG DAYS

We have been at the hospital for 11 days... 11 days? I had to go to the calendar to count the days because I’ve already lost track of them...

Andy is doing better today. By better I mean he is stable. Not good but not worse, so I guess that's a good thing...

A few days ago the doctors found out that he is neutropenic. This means his white cells are very low, at 2.1 when the normal in a healthy body is 1000-1500. We have white cells and red cells on our bodies and the white cells are the ones that make your immune system work. When your white cells are so low, you have high risk to catch ANY kind of infection and if you do catch something most likely your body wont be able to fight the infection...

Well, I don't even remember the day, but Andy got an infection, we are not sure what kind. They did tests and everything but they still can't figure out what kind of infection he has. He had a 104 fever and he wasn't doing so good, his heart rate was SO high. They put some antibiotics on his port and finally his fever is getting better, today it’s just 99.9. Not that high but still not normal so they did more tests today and hopefully they know what to do.

Two nights ago he had a bad night. My mother in law says he always had dreams and would talk like crazy in his sleep when he was sick. That night was more than dreams, he was awake his eyes were open and he was hallucinating. He kept trying to get things that were not there and kept telling me to stop the table that was moving and things like that. It was pretty scary, at least scary for me because I have never seen him like that. It was more than just dreams, they think is because of all the drugs that he is getting...

Today he seems better. His fever still there but is low, his white cells are the same but at least he has woken up a few times (the past days he was asleep all day long)... Last time he was awake today, he asked me to call the kids so they finally got to see him not asleep, he talked to them and the kids were pretty excited...

He still hasn't eaten anything in 7 days now. Nothing, no solids, but at least now he can drink water and hasn’t thrown up all day today. So that's why I say he seems better today...

It has been some rough days, I have slept in the hospital every single night for 10 nights!! I have been here all day (except for the hour or two that I leave to shower and see the kids) and days have been long, stressful and boring... Yesterday was a hard hard day for me, I felt so emotional, everything was making me cry, I was missing my kids so much. Last night my in laws came back, they were gone for 5 days. They went to their stake camp. Everyone left his sisters, brothers and everyone else. I honestly felt so lonely and desperate. I think not sleeping good was making me go crazy, so last night they came back... And I had to ask my father in law to stay with Andy during the night, I just couldn't do it anymore. I left and went to sleep at our house after 10 long nights... The kids came home too, and we went to bed together. They were so excited to be back home for at least one day...

I couldn't sleep in my bed so I ended up sleeping with David on his bunk bed.. But I slept SO good. It is amazing how much rest you can get in just one night of good sleep! And especially how much my kids enjoyed being at home... We went to church also, well just for an hour but I needed to be there so bad.

I felt the spirit so strong this morning. I felt what I needed to feel to come back to the hospital with a new and recharged soul... In our church, once a month we fast and pray and that same Sunday we have something called testimony meeting. Everyone there at sacrament who feels and wants to share their testimony can go and share it. I am not a big fan of it because of my accent, especially because every time that I share it I cry... so you can imagine a Mexican accent mix with a crying sobbing accent. Haha, but I felt like I needed to do it...

I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember the feeling that I had, and I still have. I saw all of those faces of my church family looking at me and crying with me. I felt their love and support. I felt the arms of my Heavenly Father reminding me that he is here for me. I just need to calm down and listen to the still small voice. I remember the face of my kids and the hug that they gave me when I was done sharing my testimony. David told me, “Mom we know you love us don't worry about that!” And that friends, is all I need to remember. (I found this old pictire of one of our visits to Mexico)

Today is a better day. Maybe things are almost the same, but it is a better day because we are here, we are alive, we are fighting and we are getting rid of this cancer...

Let me tell you, this cancer is not only in Andy’s body... this cancer is in my soul and heart too. This cancer has been trying to bring me down, it has been trying to kill me too, it has been trying to make me feel like I wont make it, but this cancer doesn't know that I have something stronger than him. I have the love of my Heavenly Father... if this cancer just knew how powerful my Heavenly Father is, he would run away from us, but we are going to show and prove that we are stronger than cancer..

I am so grateful for the knowledge that prayers can be answered. I have spent a long time on my knees. I know that every single one of you are praying for us. I know people in Utah, Canada, Mexico, California, Ohio, Arizona and all over the place are praying for us, and I have a testimony that Heavenly Father is listening to all of these prayers! I just need to be calm and still so I can listen to His answers...

I know I have said this several times already and you all know it, but I love Andy so so much! He is a wonderful person, probably what it hurts me the most is to remember what an amazing 4 months after remission we had... We became even better friends, we stayed up late watching our shows, we talked and talked more than ever before, we laughed and enjoy every single day together, we went on dates, we danced, we sang like crazies in the car, we had our "dance parties" with our kids, we just enjoyed every single minute that we had... 

It’s sad that sometimes trials have to happen in your life in order to appreciate the small things, but that's what has happened to us. After cancer came into our lives, we had to stop and realize what are the important things in this life... God and family... Seriously nothing else matters, absolutely nothing... I also already said this here in this blog, but if you are having a hard time with your family, with work, financial problems, love, heath, or whatever... Take a minute to sit down and stop, let those worries go away and enjoy! Enjoy what you have enjoy every single second of it. Don't wait for a trial to come to realize how lucky you are, to realize how much you have... it took a trail for me to realize that I was wasting my time worrying about stupid things that don’t matter any more. I was wasting my time not loving one hundred percent, not enjoying the air, enjoying laughter, enjoying a hug, simply singing a song with my husband. Don't waste your time, because sometimes that time never comes back

I miss my Andy so much. I am so glad we had those 4 amazing, incredible months to love each other so much! I am so glad that we got those 4 months to make our kids happy. I am so glad that we got those 4 months so he could recover and get even stronger to fight this second time...

Today I am happy, I feel joy, I feel love, I feel blessed... Yesterday was bad, today's good and tomorrow who knows... all I know is that today is a great day and its all I care about.

Ps if you are planing in running/walking in Andy's race here is the info

Here is the link to send to everyone to register for the walk.. Registration is open

https://runsignup.com/Race/AZ/Mesa/AndysRun

Also the sweet Rachael Fort is having a Pampered chef party this week and some porcebtage of her sales will go to our family

Last thing thanks so so much to his amazing co workers! They had a fundraiser event, it was just amazing We are so lucky and blessed thanks Hotchalk for what you are doing for us we are so grateful ... 

Thanks everyone!!

DIAS LARGOS

Nuevmenteno voy a traducir exactamente lo que escribi en ingles porque de aqui a que lo escribi y traduzco todo ya se enfrio  mi chocolatito jaja..
Hemos pasado ya once dias en el hospital, once dias?? tuve que ver mic alendario para contar cauntos dias llevamos aqui!han sido dias largos y pesados  y dias muy emocionales para mi...
Andy sigue mal pero no peor y creo que eso es un avance, sus celulas blancas siguen bajas, lo que quiere decir que su sistema inmunologico esta como quien dice no esta mas bien no existe y puede agarrar cualquier tipo de infeccion, desde respiratoria hasta intestinal, y bueno esto paso, hace dos dias le dio  una infeccion, aunno sabemos de que, aun siguen haciendole pruebas para poder encontrar que es lo que tiene
pero dijo que esta mejor porque ya no ha vomitado desde ayer en la manana, ha estado casi dormido todo el tiempo pero hoy se paro y hablo con los ninos por skype, y bueno no se ve mejor pero no peor y pues eso es una bendicion
Yo estoy super super cansada, no he dormido en mi camita desde hace 10 dias, me la he pasado aqui con el dia y noche, bueno de repente me voy unas dos horas a ver a mis hijos, casi los he idoa ver diario, pero practicamente me la he pasado aqui dia y noche, hasta anoche que mis suegros regresaron de un campamento que se fueron y le pedi ami suegro que se quedara a dormir con andy por q de verdad ya no aguantaba mas, por fin pude dormir! claro no dormi en mi camita por q senti feo dormir ahi y no tneer a andy a mi lado asi es que acabe en la litera de David jaja, pero dormi tan bien!
Es increible lo que una buena noche de dormir te puede ayudar
Hoy desperte con diferente mentalidad, viendo lsa cosas de una manera mas positiva... fui a la iglesia y eso me ayud o mucho, enn uestra iglesia , mormona como le llaman, cada cuatro domingos tenemos algo que se le llama domingo de testimonios, es super padre este domingo, las personas que sientan el espiritu y tengan las ganas de pasar a hablar en el microfono enfrente de toodos pueden pasar, y yo pase, la verdad casi no me gusta pasar porque aun tengo un acentobien mexicanote y luego casi casi que siempre paso me pongo a chillar ya saben igualita que  mi mama, o mis tias paez, jaja, pero pase, senti la necesidad de pasar y dar mi testimonio, realmente no me acuerdo exactamente lo que dije, pero me acuerdo de lo que senti, me acuerdo de ver las caras de los miembros de la iglesia llorando conmigo, meacuerdo del amor y e apoyo  que senti, me cuerdo del abrazo que mi david me dio y  me dijo, mami no te preocupes por nosotros, sabemos que nos qiueres mucho y estamos bien note preocupes...

Sinceramente extrano mucho a Andy, estaba acordandome de que momento tan padres pasamos despues de que nos enteramos que ya no tenia Cancer este Mayo pasado, realmente nos convertimos amigos, mejores amigos, mucho mas que antes, complices, nos reimos, bailamos, cantamos, nos la pasabamos cantando como locos en el carro, salimos al cine, a comer, a citas, jugamos, reimos, nos abrazamos, simplemente disfrutamos cada segundo... es triste darse cuenta que a veces tienen que pasarte pruebas en la vida para que aprendas a apreciar las cosas que tienes, y eso me paso a mi, este cancer tuvo que pasarle a Andy para que yo aprendiera a valorar la voda, a valorar el aire, a valorar las flores, las risas, la compania amor y amistad de Andy,...

Ya se que ya lo he dicho varias veces aqui en este blog, pero de verdad, no desaproveches el tiempo preocupandote por cosas que no son importantes, dinero, amor, trabajo, realmente esas cosas no importan, al final lo unico importante es dios y tu familia, aprovecha cada segundo que tengas  para disfrutar de esas dos cosas, porque cuando menos te lo esperas es demasiado tarde... asi es que disfruta, vive, goza, ama lo mas que puedas por que el tiempo nunca regresa y las memorias que construyes, el amor y dios siempre estaran ahi...

Hoy estoy agradecida con dios y con la vida por esos 4 meses de absoluta felicidad que tuve conandy y mis hijos, fueron como un sueno, estoy agradecida con dios por haberme dado una segunda oportunidad de corregir mis errores y aprender a amar plenamente, sin prejuicios, celos o control, de aprender a amar asic mo Dios me ama a mi... estoy agradecida porque andy tuvo 4 meses para recuperarse, para comer bien, para hacer ejercicio, para disfrutar a sus hijos para poder continuar luchando contra este cancer, este cancer que no tiene idea de lo que esta haciendo

Este cancer se vino a meter en el lugar equivocado, este cancer es fuerte, es  malo, es venenoso, pero no sabe que yo tengo almo mas poderoso que el y eso es mi Padre Celestial, el no me ha abandonado, siento su amor, siento sus brazos y su calor, tengo fe, tengo mucha fe y no me queda nada mas que recordar esos 4 maravillosos meses que pase con andy y mis hijos y tenerlos como un recuerdo de algo que pronto volvera a pasar

Gracias a todos por sus oraciones
Los quiero mucho!!!
Ahh sii y perdon por las faltas de ortografia, nunca fui buena para la gramatica y ahora menos que casi no escribo en espanol
gracias y sigan pidiendo por mi andy

Few bad nights and almost done with chemo... Malas noches pero ya Casi acaba Ronda UNO

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Well what can I say? This was to be expected and we are not surprised, but even though we knew things were going to be this way it’s still pretty hard ...

Saturday night was one of the worst nights that I ever remember since Andy was diagnosed the first time... It was rough. Chronic hiccups and nausea, stomach pain, shakes, sweating, just a bad, bad night... They tried everything and nothing helped... Finally at the end they tried one kind of medication that I told them it helped Andy last time. That along with a blessing that Andy got from his dad made him feel a little better and finally he was able to sleep... But it was rough, I felt helpless. There was nothing that I was able to do to make him feel better... 

His sister Nicole was here too, supporting and helping me because things were just out of control. 

Then yesterday was a better night ... Still rough and lots nausea but better... 

Today he pretty much slept all day long, he finally got some good rest and sept until about 4pm ... The only problem now is that he hasn't eat in 3 days, nothing. They just told us today that probably we are going to have to stay another day until he eats... If he doesn't eat then they want to do a feeding tube... Hopefully we can keep some good down... He is really trying but he just can't keep anything in...

The nurses here are so nice. We had the same nurse for 3 nights and she came last night and gave me a hug and told me, “Thanks for your support and for being here. He needs you and having you here means a lot for him, even when he is just asleep it really makes a difference.”

It hasn't been easy being here for almost 5 days. I don't have a laptop for work so I can't really work here editing pictures, I haven't really seen my kids, I look like a zombie and I hate the hospital food, to be honest being here is pretty awful but I am trying to make the best of it.. 

I am so grateful for my sister, she is amazing, my kids (even though they miss us) they are having an amazing time with her. She is like their second mom and she is great with them but man... I miss my kids so much...

So after chemo we have to take Andy to get this shot that helps to reproduce more white blood cells. When you get chemo your white cells get low and this makes it so you don't have an immune system. That is not good because you can catch an infection pretty easily, need blood transfusions, etc...

This shot is pretty awful, he used to get it last time and it makes you feel like you have the flu and some labor pain on your back... But it helps, so we will get this on Wednesday.

Then we see the oncologist Thursday and then we have an appointment with the doctor at the Mayo clinic ...

Busy week... I haven't put make up on for almost 5 days... What??? Me?? Haha, I have no earrings and I am wearing sandals all of the time, pajama pants. If you know me you know what this means ha ... But we are almost there for cycle one... 

(I love this pic we took it right before coming to the hospital  )

Watching the LDS conference this weekend was such a great blessing, it felt like most of the talks were for me...! But one of my favorite ones was the one from 

Elder Klebingat:

"Accept trials, setbacks and surprises as part of your mortal experience." When trials come, the adversary will tell you that you did something wrong, that this is a punishment, that Heavenly Father doesn't love you, he said. "Ignore that!"

Elder Klebingat said, "Acknowledge and face your weaknesses, but don't be immobilized by them, because some of them will be your companions until you depart this earth life."

And I did, I accepted this trial, there is nothing else I can do other than live it and enjoy it. That's right I have to enjoy it because otherwise I would be mad, sad and crying all day long. I think I finally accepted His plan. It's crazy that it took me this long but it did ... Like Elder Klebingat said, I am here smiling at this trial and looking up thankful for the opportunity to grow and learn more...

I am not perfect, of course, I am human. I still cry every time I go see my kids and leave them, I still cry when I go home and shower, and I still cry when I see my Andy in all this awful pain and symptoms, but I am okay... I know we will be okay...

Not to brag about myself (okay just a little) but I have always been a strong soul, since I was little my parents used to leave me in charge of the house instead of my older brother. I used to have little businesses, selling candy or toys at the door of my mom’s office. I remember at elementary school when the teacher said please bring this map tomorrow or something from the library I used to buy few extras because I knew someone was going to forget and I used to sell the things double the price! Haha... I have always been so independent. I traveled a lot with my dad in Mexico, I survived college living by myself, I always had amazing grades at school, I self-taught several things. I remember when my parents were getting divorced I saw their transformation after getting baptized in the LDS church, and I decided to get baptized too... I finished college in Mexico... I managed coming to another country (here) to get married with Andy not speaking any English, not being able to drive or work and not having any family or friends here. Andy lost his job when I was pregnant. I had a small tumor on my left shoulder, I also had 7 little tumors in my thyroid and they had to remove it 3 years ago. I had a miscarriage also. I think all of this was nothing else but Heavenly Father getting me ready for this trial. Isn't He amazing? Isn't He awesome? He knew!! He perfectly knew I was going to need all that knowledge and all that led straight to being able to face this trial and fight hard and learn at the same time... 

Today I am grateful for today. 

Things will be back to normal soon.

I know they will.

Last thing my friend organized this run/walk for Andy. November 15th for more info you can email me so I can give you her info leylamosa@hotmail.com

Thanks 

ESPANOL....

Pues de nuevo no haré la traducción exacta de todo pero tratare de explicar lo mismo...

Hemos tenido muy malas noches, los síntomas de las quimioterapias son más fuertes que nunca

Andy ha tenido mucho hipo es uno de los efectos y gracias al hipo le da mucho asco y le duele mucho el estómago pero todo estaba dicho que así sería, ya sabíamos que así iban a estar las cosas de pesadas pero de todas formas es difícil pasar por todo...

La noche del sabado fue horrible, nada podía calmar sus ascos, yo creo que desde que nos enteramos desde la primera vez, jamás había tenido una noche tan fea, realmente horrible verlo así en tanto sufrimiento y sentirme incapaz de ayudarlo de sentirme inútil sin poder hacer nada por el ...

Su hermana y su papas tuvieron que venir a ayudarme porque las cosas se pusieron muuy pesadas y por fin como a las 2 de la mañana todo se calmó

La noche de anoche también fue pesada pero no tanto como la anterior, nada más se paraba cada dos horas con ascos y le daban medicina y se volvía a dormir

Hoy literalmente durmió todo el día, sin fuerza de nada, y no ha comido en tres días seguidos

Se supone que ya nos íbamos a r a la casa mañana pero como están las cosas dicen q sí no come no nos pueden dejar ir...

Así es que a ver que pasa... 

Llevo cinco días sin pintarme ando en pijamas y desarreglada por q realmente y los que me conoces saben que no soy así, pero no es estoy triste no deprimida sólo cansada de las largas noches

No soy perfecta pero le estoy echando todas las ganas del mundo,  tengo una actitud positiva, no he renegado y tengo mucha mucha fe de q todo estará bien y de que venceremos esto.

No por ser presumida (bueno tantito jaaj) pero Desde chiquita me acuerdo que siempre he dicho fuerte y luchadora...cuando mis papas tenían que salir de la ciudad me dejaban a mi encargada de mis hermanos en vez de johny mi hermano mayor por que yo era la responsable jaja. Siempre me encantaba hacer negocio con todo, me acuerdo que de chiquita puse un "negocio" en la puerta del consultorio de mi mama tenía yo como 6 años jaja vendía yo dulces y juguetes para los reyes magos... En la primaria siempre me llevaba yo mapas extras o cosas de la papelería para cuando loa maestros encargaba sabía yo que siempre habría un despistado que se le olvidaría jaaj, siempre tuve buenas calificaciones, becas, viajé mucho con mi papa, me titule , tuve un tumor en el hombro, 7 tumores en mi tiroide, perdí a un bebe durante un embarazo, Andy lo despidieron cuando yo estaba embarazada, me case con un americano y decidí venir a un país donde no conocía a nadie ni hablaba el idioma sin familia ni amigos .. Y más... Y todo esto ahora lo veo y pienso,... Dios sabía!!! El sabía perfectamente que esto con Andy iba a pasar y desde niña me dio la bendición de irme preparando poco a poco! Que bendición tan grande haber podido aprender todas esas enseñanzas para poder ahora enfrentar esto

Nos yo perfecta! Aún chillo cuando manejo sola, cuando voy a ver. A mis hijos y me tengo que despedir de ellos, aún chilló cuando voy a mi casa. A bañarme y la veo vacía, aún lloro cuando veo a Andy tirado en esta cama conociendo que fuerte es. Pero tengo fe, la fe mueve montañas y yo la tengo y se que nuestro padre celestial me ama y todo esto acabara algún día

Todo pasara!

Update on Andy...Saturday Oct 4th

Well like most of you know, we had an appointment with Andy's oncologist this last Thursday. He talked to us and said he wanted to send us to the hospital that same afternoon and have him admitted that same day... We talked to him to see if we could wait until the next morning just to make arrangements for the kids and get things ready and the doctor said yes.

We came here to Banner Desert Thursday morning, Andy had a procedure and they put a port on him to make things easier (last time at the hospital they poked him 15 times in less than 2 hours because his veins were gone!)

After the port they started the pre meds for chemo and that night at 2 am. Yes 2am they started the first kind of chemo.. He had this chemo going for 24 hours! Then this morning at 5 am they started the second type of chemo. This one is just for half an hour but 3 times today and then at 2 am a new kind...

They are hitting this cancer hard! The doctor said that today and especially tomorrow his nausea is going to be really bad... We are just grateful that we are here and not at home where he always used to get dehydrated from all this nausea stuff ...

 

As I was looking at quotes after the Lds conference today I saw this one and it describes Andy #ldsconf

He is being such a trooper. I was texting one of my dearest friends yesterday and I was telling her... If you see Andy you will cry.. He has such a good spirit so far, he is so positive and happy... He has been listening to comedian shows, watching funny movies and playing loud music in his room... The nurses said they love to come to his room because he has good music. 

I am not sure if I would be the same if it was me in that bed, but he is definitely teaching me that even in the darkest moments you can always make a difference if you decide to be positive and have faith.

We are amazed and grateful with all the love from everyone ... We have been getting blessings on daily basis... People doing things without even knowing us, people from Andy's work just getting together and supporting Andy, cards, texts, calls, and especially people telling me we are praying for you.. Kids coming to me and say we are praying for Andy... And more

Yesterday the HOA had an event at the neighborhood park... And Jessie Brown had this sweet idea of having this table for donaciones for our family... This brought tears to my eyes just to see how much people care for us... My kids had a great time and I love that they are getting the opportunity to see how much you can serve and help one another...

Speaking of my kids ... Ohh my kids.. My poor babies I miss them so much... My sister Jona and my brother in law Ben are such a blessing, they are watching my kids and I will never be able to thank them enough... Mia talked to Andy on the phone and asked him.. “Why are you so sick daddy? I am sorry that that owie from soccer hasn't get any better.” Poor princess she loves her daddy so much... And David ... David, David he is such a sweet boy, yesterday when I saw him he told me he wanted to come home and started crying... I know how hard this is for my kids but I also know that they can see how amazing their dad is. 

I feel so much better this week, my faith is back ... Not sure if you can say you lost your faith when you got it back? But last week a darkness took over my heart and it felt like faith was not even close .... But today, today is different, after praying and praying and after several blessings I feel okay, I am okay, I have faith in my heavenly father’s plan... I know he loves me. I know he is aware of my feelings and my fears. I know that he doesn't want anything bad for me and Andy, I know that he will help us during this difficult time, I have seen his hand on daily basis, I have felt his love through all the people, and I am here ready for this war.

That's what my friend was telling me... Leyla this is a war. What do soldiers do during a war? They fight, they fight, they fight ... They do whatever they have to do to survive, and especially they never give up... This is a war for us and we will do whatever we have to do to survive and we will never give up .

Andy will be having chemo until Tuesday and if things go well, he will be going home Tuesday or Wednesday.. He will rest for a few days and then we will be back at the hospital for cycle 2 of chemo and then we will go to the MAYO clinic for his transplant ... 

I will keep everyone updated

Thank you and please keep praying for him!

#fundraiser

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-the-moss-family/241998

ESPANOL

Bueno no haré la traducción exacta porque no tengo mucho tiempo pee tratare de recordar que escribí. El miércoles tuvimos una cita con el oncólogo de Abdy y ese mismo día nos dijo que quería que fuéramos al hospital y que ese mismo diablo internarán para sus quimios... Nosotros le pedimos que si nos daba tantito de tiempo para que pudiéramos ir a la casa y arreglar todo  y las cosas de los niños pues estaríamos una semana en el hospital. Dijo que si, entonces el jueves en la mañana lo internaron y le hicieron una pequeña operación que se llama port, en México no existe, lo que pasa es que con tantas quimioterapias y tratamientos que recibió Andy sus venas desaparecieron se desgastaron las últimas veces que lo estaban poniendo intravenosa a i saca su sangre le tenían que picar mínimo unas quince veces hasta poder encontrarle la vena... Esta operación lo que fue es que le pusieron un aparato parecido a un marcapasos ... Este aparato tiene como una m guerita que va directo a la yugular y esa ma guerita esparciera todas las quimios directo a las venas más importantes, ahora lo que pasa es q las enfermeras o doctores no tienen q ponerle nada en las venas solo en ese cuadrito le pican sobre la piel y todo el medicamento va a la yugular .. Bueno ya le pusieron esa cosa y lo iniciaron con los medicamentos para prepararlo por doce horas y de ahí esa noche bueno esa mañana a las dos de la mañana le iniciaron la quimioterapia, estuvo conectado a la quimio por 24 horas y le fue muy bien... De ahí luego luego lo conectaron al segundo tipo de quimios esa es más corta media hora cada una y es cada cuatro horas 3 veces creo, pasando esa hoy otra ve bueno mañana a las 2 am le pondrán otro tipo de quimios y de ahí no se qué más...

Si vieran a Andy les darían ganas de llorar pero no por lo enfermo que se vea o por q sientan feo sino por el espíritu y el  estado de ánimo que tiene, es increíble verlo así, yo me imagino q si fuera yo la que estuviera en esa caña yo estaría a la depresión a lo que da, pero Andy es un campeón es un guerrero, se la ha pasado viendo puros programas de comedianta y películas de risa y siempre tiene su música a todo volumen, de verdad lo admiro y amo verlo tan positivo me ayuda a aprender que en los momentos más sociales de tu vida hay que sonreír...

Sigan pidiendo por el, gracias familia 

Fundraiser link ...donaciones

A lot of you texted me and called me yesterday asking about the link of the fundraiser...specially friends of Andy (from work and High school)

My friend Rickelle opened this for us and this is the link

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-the-moss-family/241998

Para la gente de Mexico q quiera aportar, mandenme un correo a leylamoss@hotmail.com para pasarles la informacion o mandenme un mensaje al Facebook gracias!

*Picture by Jessica Downey Photo
*Leyla's hair by Tasha Scott

Andy’s cancer is back…

 

Well… I am not sure if this is true or seriously it’s just a bad bad dream… Last Friday September 19, Andy and me went to bed so late, we love to watch “our” Tv shows together so we couldn’t stop watching Scandal and we went to bed around 3 am… 

Andy had a soccer game the next morning. He started playing at this soccer league with some old friends and his game was at 8am far in Tempe… his alarm went off and he didn’t wake up, I remember I got up and told him, you are late for your game, and he said, “I think I won’t go I am tired.” I told him, “You should go and me and the kids will meet you there, they love to watch you play.” So he got ready and left for his game… 

Me and the kids met him there, we got out of the car and I was pushing Mia in the stroller walking by the soccer field when I saw someone fall playing, well he actually didn’t fall, a guy from the other team, the orange team tackle him and totally on purpose made Andy fall down… and he couldn’t get up… I said, “Someone got hurt!” And David my 6 year old said, “That’s daddy!” Mia, my 3 year old, started freaking out because he wasn’t getting up. Finally, Andy got up and he came to say hi to us… 

He said he hurt himself pretty bad, he had grass everywhere, his shoulder hurt and his hand was bleeding a little, but he said he was fine, he event went back to play after that. 

The day after, Sunday September 21st we went to church and then we went to my friends house (Emily Sanchez) we had a great time there, he was happy laughing and the kids had a blast. 

Monday September 22nd things just changed, he started having a hard time breathing, he had this pain that was getting worse and worse but he went to work like that. Monday night he couldn’t really breathe, he didn’t sleep or anything. He couldn’t lay down and the pain was awful. My brother in law Ben had to pick him up on Tuesday to go to work (Andy seriously doesn’t like to miss work) that morning. I told him, “I am picking you up.

We should go see the oncologist.” And we did. They were concerned and sent him to do some x-rays, the same day the doctor called us and told us that Andy’s lungs were collapsed. We were sure it was just because of the fall, so they say, you had an appointment for the 3rd week of October, we are going to move all your tests and labs for tomorrow, Wednesday, and just speed things up we want to know what’s going on… We went to the CT scan place, he was having such a hard time breathing, he had a fever and he couldn’t even talk, they did the CT scan and right after he was done, when he was walking out of the CT room he saw me and said, “I can’t breathe call 911.”

I was yelling like crazy, “Someone call 911”, the doctor (he wasn’t our oncologist because we went to another office) came right away and he said the same - call 911. His oxygen dropped, it was just a nightmare, paramedics came and they took him to the hospital. (not the hospital that usually go to) He was there for two nights, no one couldn’t figure out why things were happening, he had to have a small procedure to drain all the fluids in his lung, his left lung was still collapsed… 

Friday morning Andy’s oncologist called me and said, “Do whatever you can to take Andy out of the hospital, I need to see you guys right away.” That same day we left the hospital at 2:10 pm and drove straight from the hospital to the doctor’s office. Little did we know that our life was going to stop right there… The Doctor talked to us

“So we found two tumors, one is 5.5 cm and is the same one that we removed. It came back, and in ONE month grew 4.5 cm, the other tumor is also the same one in your left lung and that one is 4.5 cm… we have to start chemotherapy right away, you will need a bone marrow transplant and then you will have radiation at the end.” We will what? What did you say? I mean you are kidding right? Because it’s not funny I was thinking.. he kept talking and talking and talking (he is such a nice guy we love him) but my head was just not working right then… I lost it I totally lost it and started crying more than ever before, I was asking all these questions but I couldn’t even talk…

Andy wasn’t sad like I was, he was mad, he was FURIOUS, he was ready to punch someone, he was just mad mad mad… I have never been more sad in my life than Friday September 26… I had to calm down a little and went back to the room

. He is still with oxygen because his lung is still collapsed, but I am so very grateful with that guy that made him fall at soccer, if it wasn’t for that fall we wouldn’t find out about Andy’s Cancer until 3 more weeks, and who knows how big those tumors were going to be and who knows if other organs were going to be damaged… It is true that my heavenly Father loves me, he sent us to that game, he knew that we needed to hurry and find out that Cancer was back, this truly was a miracle in our eyes… 

Andy will have a biopsy next Tuesday September 30th, he will have labs and tests and a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, they will put a port on him on Thursday and he will start chemo on Friday October 3rd. He will do two cycles of chemotherapy, so this means, one week of chemo, each day its 8 hours a day and this is for 5 days, then he will have a 2 weeks “break” and then another cycle of chemo, after that he will need to go to the hospital and stay there for a bone marrow transplant, after that he will do radiation, so the doctor said this will take about 5 to 6 months… 

This time I am not going to lie, I am so sad, I am devastated, I thought I was ready for something like this, I thought I was such a strong person after what happened to us the first time, but I guess I was wrong. I am scared, I am so so scared, I am so sad and my heart hearts to see him go through the same and this time worse, I am so sad for my kids, I am embarrassed to need help again, I am terrified of everything, I feel weak, I feel small and I am not sure if I can do this again Andy and the kids need me, I know I need to be strong and keep going but I feel like I just can’t anymore… I haven’t stop crying since then. 

I can’t believe this is happening to us again, to my Andy I love him so so much I am so sorry that he has to do this again, like I told him I wish it was me and not him, I wish I could take all this pain away from him, I wish I could comfort him and make him feel better but I can’t. I know one day I will perfectly understand this trial, but right now my heart just hurts so very much.

I am grateful for all the love, prayers and support. I will keep this blog updated, so you can follow our family as we make our way through this trial. 

EL CANCER De ANDY REGRESO

Querida familia y amigos, justo cuando pensamos que la pesadilla habia terminado tengo que decirles que el cancer de Andy regreso. Estamos devastados, no entendemos por que? Y no creo que exista una respuesta. El sabado 20 Andy fue a jugar futbol y durante el juego recibio un golpe que lo dejo tendido en suelo. El golpe no paso a mas en el momento y el fin de semana siguio sin complicaciones. El lunes Andy comenzo a tener problemas para respirar acompańado con dolor. Esa noche cuando regreso del trabajo no pudo dormir bien. El martes fuimos al oncólogo y le tomaron placas de los pulmones. Esa misma tarde nos llamaron porque los pulmones de Andy habian colapsado y decidieron adelantar todos los exámenes que tendría la tercera semana de octubre. El miércoles le hicieron un CT scan y después del examen tuvieron que trasladarlo de emergencia al hospital porque sus niveles de oxigeno bajaron al punto en que no podía respirar. Estuvimos en el hospital hasta el viernes y de ahí directo a la oficina del oncólogo. Encontraron 2 tumores que están creciendo y necesitamos empezar la quimioterapia de inmediato (viernes 3). Ademas Andy necesitara un trasplante de medula y radiación al final del tratamiento. El golpe durante el partido fue una bendición porque ganamos tiempo para combatir el cancer. El doctor y las enfermeras están casi tan tristes como nosotros pero optimistas. Yo ya no tengo mas lagrimas y Andy esta destrozado. Se que un día vamos a entender por quė, pero por ahora oren con nosotros para que tengamos la fortaleza de seguir con la prueba. 

Life after Andy's remission...

WOW... I just realized I haven't stopped by this blog for so long... Honestly I have been trying to stay away from the social media, taking a needed break and just using it for business, but today someone asked me about the blog and I opened it and I started reading some of my old posts and omgosh I just can't believe this just happened to us..

 

As you know, Andy was told that he is in remission few weeks ago, it was one of the happiest days of our life, we are SO excited and we feel so blessed, like I said the other day, life will never ever be the same, this Cancer thing changed us for the rest of our life, we didn't lose anything. 

 

I feel like we just won in this entire situation but honestly it definitely marked our family... I never posted any of these pictures of Andy's surgery, he didn't want me to post them back then, I am thinking he didn't want people to see him this weak and in all this pain, but today I asked him if he felt okay with me posting them and he said yes..

 

 I remember those days, the "surgery week.” To start our "surgery week" we crashed our car in the parking lot of the hospital! Isn't that crazy? I remember when we did, Andy looked at me probably expecting to have a crazy mad face because I love my van (yes I love my van LOL) and I just said, ooh well there is nothing that we can do right now, you are having surgery today and I don't care about my car at all, my car still looks the same, we haven't been able to fix it but I can still drive it so that's all I care about...

 

anyways, that's how we started that day... He ended up not having surgery that day but two days later, and I call his surgery a miracle, an act of faith... The doctor didn't have to open his chest, they did everything on his side and they were able to take it all and no radiation?? And being in remission in less than 6 months? It truly was a miracle...

 

That week was so special for me, yes I was so sad to have my husband in an ICU bed, but I felt so good, so happy to be able to help him so much, as I went back in our marriage, I can't remember not even one day were I felt so helpful and so important, I knew he needed me, I knew that having me there made him feel good, I felt so loved and so blessed, every night in that hospital room, I felt honestly and I hope you don't feel that I am just preaching but I felt how my Heavenly Father was sitting right there next to me, telling me, you can do this, you can do this, don't be afraid I am here, you can do this.

 

Honestly now that I go back I have no idea how I did it but we did it... I never left Andy's side for those 5 days, my kids missed me so much but Andy needed me more I remember I slept in this little bench that they had for 4 nights, I remember the pain that Andy was in, and how much that hurt me, but we did it, we had faith and the very first answer that we had 6 months ago was confirmed again...

 

 

He is doing amazing. He is feeling better every day, he still gets so tired, he still sore and he still can't do everything that he wants, but he is so so much better now, his smile is completely back, I can hear his laugh all of the time, he can play with the kids, he can spend quality time with the kids and me, he is slowly getting back to normal and I love it.. Sometimes when we are in the car and I hear a song I instantly start crying and he asks me what's wrong? I say, nothing is wrong, that song makes me cry because I remember that they used to play it in the radio over and over when I was driving you to the Cancer Center and I remember every time I turned and looked at you and that picture of you being so sick comes back to my head, oh I wish I could forget those moments..

 

It changed me, sometimes can't sleep thinking about how my Andy was, I remember especially one day in particular when he got so sick, he lost about 15 lbs that weekend, he was throwing up so much not eating just laying there in bed, I remember that day when I looked at him and I felt so scared, so afraid, I remember the feeling and thinking please Heavenly Father don't let him die, he truly looked like he was dying, and it was the most horrible feeling ... I can't describe how happy our family feels, my kids, oh my kids, they missed him so much, they love to hang out with him, they love our family homes evenings, our little "tradition" of going to Sonic every Monday and singing like crazies in the car with the music so loud and mom and dad dancing and singing on the top of our lungs.

 

They are SO happy to have those moments back... My poor Mia the other day I had to go take pictures at a Quinceanera party, I came back about 1.30 in the morning to find her not asleep,I talked to her and she started crying and she said, please please don't go to the hospital again please don't take daddy... It broke my heart, she thought I left her to take daddy to the hospital, even my little one's life was so touched by this Cancer...

 

 It has been hard for me to go back to "normal" life, it has been hard for me to go out and socialize with friends, to go out to hang out or pretty much anything, I have no idea why but I feel like I don't want to and can't leave my family, I know I need to move on and just enjoy life but as of right now all I want is be next to Andy and the kids...

 

We have to go back to the cancer Center in few weeks, he has to get checked every 3 months, for a year, then every 4, then every 6, then once a year, I can't explain the anxiety that I feel about these check ups. I just can hope to stay strong and positive and like I said, enjoy every little thing with him and my kids... Thanks again everyone for your help and support in the last 6 months, we totally feel your love and your prayers... We love you and we hope we can give back everything that you guys did for us...

 

The other day Andy shared his testimony at our church, he said some beautiful words that I wish would have written them down but I didn't, all I can say is that he is such a special man, dad and husband... I can't believe everything that he did for us, fighting llike he did, I am so proud of him I love him and respect him, he is my hero and my everything and I can't wait to spend more and more years next to him...