My thoughts at this time...

Few weeks ago we got some shocking news.  We found out that Andy has a tumor.  What made it worse is that we found out right before Christmas...

We were not expecting this news, everything was so fast and so crazy that I still cannot believe it...

After we found out that he has this tumor, we got him an appointment with a thoracic pulmonary surgeon. They did tons of tests and they sent him to get a biopsy.

Before his biopsy, we had a trip planed to the Polar Express, in Williams, AZ.  We didn't tell the kids, everything was a surprise. They didn't know anything.  At this point, they also didn't know about Andy.

I didn't want to go.  I was so worried and sad that I didn't think that it was a good idea.  Well, Andy insisted and we so we went. I am so glad we did, it was the best 24 hours that a family could possibly have.

We went all the way to Williams singing Christmas songs, laughing and enjoying every second. I remember when we got onto the train that I was just trying to be happy, until Andy asked me if I could please just enjoy it. When I turned around, I saw Andy standing up and dancing in the middle of that train to the song Jingle Bell Rock. LOL.  How could I not enjoy that?!

Andy is so positive about this whole situation.  He amazes me, and I admire his courage and his strength to do what he is doing, and to do it while being so positive.

On the day of the biopsy, they had to poke him twice because they couldn't get in.  After he awoke from the surgery he saw me and he said, "Can I have a cheeseburger please?" (LOL again)!
They couldn't find conclusive results with the biopsy so they sent us right away to an oncologist..
This was last Friday, just a few days ago.  Of course, we were a little prepared since they had sent us to an oncologist, but who can really be fully ready for news like this...

Andy was diagnosed with germ of cell cancer.  This is an extremely weird type of cancer.  It is highly uncommon.  The doctor said that we needed to start chemotherapy on Monday and that he was going to cure him.  The doctor was so nice and so open.  He was also very clear with us.  He said is going to be a long process but he will be okay...

He made us a plan and a schedule for battling this cancer.  He said we would undergo very aggressive chemotherapy.  It is seriously crazy!  He needs chemotherapy for 5 days, 7 to 8 hours a day.  Afterward, he will have a  2 week break and then we are required to do it all over again. After this he will have a 6 week break and we will do all the testing all over again.  Finally, he will have surgery if the tumor decided to shrink. Once the surgery is completed, we will possibly have to do more chemotherapy or radiation.  We haven't gotten to that point yet, we are just living day by day.


So we didn't start on Monday, we actually started yesterday, Tuesday January 6th...

As I was talking to one of my best friends, Emily Sanchez, she told me something that changed the way I was thinking about everything. She told me, that "sometimes people are confused, sometimes they don´t know what their mission in life is. They don´t know what to study or what to do with their lives.  What a blessing you and Andy have that you know exactly what you are here for." And, she is right.  We were suppose to come to earth, and live this trial.  We are so grateful for this opportunity to get closer to our Heavenly father and to our family and friends. Emily also told me, if you fall, you get up.  If you fall, you get up again. And, this is the way I am living my life right now.


Of course, I am sad.  Of course, I keep falling.  Sometimes I fall when I feel afraid or disappointed, but I get up every time..

The last thing she said that made me cry and still makes me cry is, "if you feel alone, if you need someone, remember Heavenly Father is there with you.  Not just on your left side but he is also on your right side, so open your arms and let him carry you..."

I can't even explain how much I feel my Savior next to me, I feel Him every single second.  I am so blessed and grateful for this.

Andy was amazing on his first day of chemotherapy.  He was watching movies, listening to music and just resting. He has never complained, not even once, he just keeps smiling and making jokes...

While he was asleep I went ant talked to some of the patients here.  I met this lady that yesterday was her last day of chemo after months and months of treatment.  After she lost her 2 breasts, she was so excited and so happy.  They gave her a diploma and she rang the bell that they have here.  People ring it when they are done.  Every single nurse came and clapped and cheered for her, she was so happy.  Andy said, "that will be me soon..."

After that, I sat with a mom of a 19 year old.  This young girl has lymphoma, and she will start treatment on Monday.  She was telling me that she knows 5 moms with kids that have cancer.  And today I met a lady from Mexico that also survived and is almost clear.  With all this I just can think about my kids, I just want to go home and hug them and tell them how much I love them.

I had to tell David what was going on.  He just said, its okay.  I told him daddy is really sick, that he has a big owie in his chest and he will have to go to the doctor a lot, but by your birthday he will be okay. On Sunday we had to drop off our dog at a friend's house.  Megan and her husband graciously took our huge dog until Andy is feeling better.  I thought Mia was going to have a hard time, but I never imagined that David was going to react like he had.  On our way to Andy´s parents house I looked back in our car and I saw my David crying and crying.  When I asked him what was wrong he started screaming, "I want Harley, I miss him already!  Why mom?  Why?"  Of course, I  couldn't help but cry.  I cried a lot with him too. I told him that his is temporary. We will have Harley back.  I promised him that his daddy will be okay by his birthday.  I promised that Harley will be back by then.

My poor kids are having such a hard time with all of this.  Mia is acting up almost every day.  She colored with  a permanent marker all over my Iphone.  She bit the trampoline and broke the net and pole.  She colored all over her room, walls and door.  She has been waking up every single hour after Andy had had the biopsy.  My kids don´t understand what's going on.  Thankfully, my mom and dad came to help us and they have been amazing with my kids.

If I had one message, I think my message would be to please live life like if you were in this situation. Sometimes we take life for granted.  We just live life because that's we are supposed to do.  We forget and don't appreciate the blessings that our Heavenly Father has given us.  Go and hug your husband and tell him how much you love him.  Tell him thank you for everything that he does for you.  Tell him thank you for being a great dad, a good friend, a good husband.  Never waste a minute concerning the things that are not important.

I remember myself, not too long ago, always being worried about the way I look.  I remember I never wore the same outfit to church for 4 years, and I was always so worried about that.  Appearance, money and stuff like that.  With this, I realize that nothing, seriously nothing, is more important to our Heavenly father than family.

Today Andy is doing pretty good again, he is tired but he is so positive and he is fighting at 100% capacity.
My friend opened a fundraiser for our family since our financial situation is crazy right now.  So, I appreciate your help.  I can't wait to be okay and have my husband healthy and to be okay so that we can give back.


Leyla Moss