Haircut

Well its definitely easier to write when I am at the Cancer center than when we are at home, its been kind of hard to  find some time to write and to do everything else...

We had a great end of the week, Andy had a bad day on Thursday, he was a little down, a little sad, but then on Friday when we got the results from the ultrasound and the MRI he totally went back to his awesome positive attitude, I love him so much I am so proud of him, it amazes me how strong he is, no matter how much pain he is in he is always trying to be "normal" to help the kids have a good time...

Today we were having lunch and he called me to our bedroom to show me that his hair from his head is starting to fall down.. mmm not  really sure how to react. all I did was hug him and told him this is a good thing, this means meds are working, this is good, and it will grow back again...

Also last night I had an experience with my 5 year old, David is such a smart boy,he really is, he is aware of everything, he loves his daddy. Andy is his hero, he copies everything that he does, he just loves him, well I put David to bed every night and I tell him a story every night, I sing him a song and lay down with him for a minute every night, and I love it, it is usually there when he tells me things that he wouldn't say on his busy day, so last night he started crying and I asked David what's wrong? He said, Mom, someone told me that Daddy's hair is going to fall down and I am afraid.I am afraid its going to hurt him, I am afraid that isn't going to come back. I said who told you David, he said I don't remember, so I am thinking maybe he heard me talking to someone or something like that, but he kept crying saying I will dream about it I don't want daddy to be afraid and I said, I had to tell him, I said David, that's true.

Daddy's hair is going to fall down, but it is a good thing, it means he is getting better, and its going to come back, I promise David, he said, by my birthday? (David and Andy share birthdays) and I say, yes maybe by your birthday, but my boy kept crying, so I wanted to change the subject to make him stop thinking about it and I said, wait a minute, what is that? Your tooth is getting loose!!! Its going to fall down! He was so excited, obviously I had to say a little lie, he forgot about daddy's hair for minute and couldn't stop thinking about his tooth... If I just could take all those fears from my little boy...

Speaking about Andy's hair, since we found out that Andy had Cancer, I told him form day one, I am shaving my head, I don't care what people say or anything I am shaving my hair and I am going to donate it and I am going to look the same than you so you don't think people are looking at you. I want to support you on that. Well, the day got here and I told him Andy am shaving my head... He couldn't let me do it, he talked to me and told me  please don't shave your hair, please don't do it, I want to look at you and see you pretty and looking good and happy. I don't want to wake up and see you and have a reminder of how sick I am, please don't do it (my sister,  brother-in-law Ben, brother-in-law Nathan and my brother were going to do it too) but I had to listen to him, even thoughI really wanted to do it, I want to make him happy and anything that he asks me I will do it...

Before this I contacted a friend (photographer) Jessica Downey and told her I was shaving, she gave me the same wise advice than my husband gave me, but of course I didn't listen and at the end I texted her and told her, Jessica you were right, she told me, my friend Becki Crosby  from Whippy Cake www.whippycake.com will give you a courtesy hair cut and Jessica did the pictures...

I went over to her house and got my haircut at her beautiful home... My girl Mia went with me...
When Becki started cutting my hair I couldn't help it and I started crying. My tears yes, this time were sad tears, not because I was loosing my hair that I love and had for the last 5 years,  but I was so sad thinking about Andy, about how much I wish I could take all this pain away from him I was crying telling my self why this is not happening to me, why to someone so amazing. I am not complaining or mad with Heavenly Father, I know his plan I know why this is happening, but I was just so sad thinking about the love of my life... I just wish I could just live every single thing that he is going thru to show him how much I love him to show him that I am here for him...

Becki did an amazing job, when I first met her I tried to shake her hand and she said, no no no, we don't shake hands, we hug here, she gave me a hug, she totally made me feel like if we were friends from years ago, she is such a sweet girl and I am so blessed to have been finding such an amazing people in my life...

Same with Jessica, I don't have anything to say but amazing things about her, yes she is an amazing photographer but she has a big big heart. I own her so much, I will be forever grateful for her, for the knowledge, for her help, her patience and everything, she is so amazing, I haven't tell her this but when I am around her I can feel so much peace, she has such a sweet spirit that it makes you smile. Her home feels so peaceful, it is a place where you want to be at, I love her and I will treasure these pictures forever! http://jessicadowneyphoto.com/ 

My little girl was there with me, watching every single step of that hair, at the end, I smiled, I looked at the mirror and I saw my new me- a new Leyla, a woman ready to fight against this cancer, a woman ready to support her husband and to tell the word how much I love him... I will donate this hair, and I hope someone can have some peace everytime they look at the mirror and have a testimony like I do that once again, EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.