:)
I have been listening to this song from the movie Frozen over and over again, since my little girl loves it and we play it all day long, but honestly I think I like it more than Mia does... It totally explains how I feel, what I think, what's going on in my life right now.. And I love the feeling to just let it go...
Even though Andy felt better, physically, we had a really rough week, very emotional week, his hair started falling but now it was A LOT of hair, so one night he just told me please just shave my head, and I did, I know what they say that loosing your hair is worse for a girl than for a boy, but I can't not imagine how this can be easier for a guy...
Andy started shaving his head by himself while I took couple of pictures, after that I finished, and I couldn't hide my feelings, I been pretty good about not showing him when I am sad or when I am feeling a little down, I have been pretty good about praying right before I start feeling scared feeling afraid, but that day I couldn't, like you know, I cry pretty easy, and I did it again, I cried but this time in front of him, it was such a weird felling, a feeling like yes, this is true, this is happening its not a nightmare it is true your husband has cancer, this is not a movie, its real. I know his hair is going to come back, I know the hair is the last thing that we should worry about, but more than the hair is the fact to know and realize that this is really happening...
After that, Andy has been a little down, specially yesterday, he had a bad day, every time he touched his head, the small hair that he had left on his head kept falling, his head hurt, he looked totally not him, he was quiet all day, spending a lot of time by himself and I understand, finally he came and talked to me and said I am sorry I don't want to feel this way, I just hugged him and told him this is going to be over soon, this will end and your hair and everything will be back to normal...
While we wait until that happens all I can do is to think about how much I love him, how much I admire him, how much I love my kids and my family and my life... I am so blessed to have this great opportunity to grow, to learn, to forgive, to ask for forgiveness, to just live...
Like I said, Andy felt pretty good this week, so we decided to go to the new Gilbert Temple, I got a wheel chair for him and he was wearing a mask just to avoid getting sick since a lot of people was there. It was an amazing experience, the Temple is beautiful, I felt the spirit so strong, so so strong. I watched my kids and I kept thinking how blessed I am.. I truly have everything, Heavenly Father knows me, he knows how I feel, what I need, and he knew that I needed to go to the temple to feel what I felt. When we went to the sealing room, I lost it, I stood in front of those mirrors and I heard what my brother in law Nathan told to my son David, he said David look, here is the place where your mom and dad got married and they will be together for the eternity as he was saying that he was picking up David so he could see himself on that mirror, I saw him, I saw me, I heard those words and I felt it, I felt what Heavenly Father was trying to telling me that day. Leyla, no matter what, don't forget what I promised you, no matter what trials are you young thru, you and your family will be together forever, and that's what is keeping me here, strong, fighting against those feelings of fear, the knowledge that I will be with my family for the eternity...
Heavenly father knows me, I am so blessed to have those two wonderful kids that I have, as seem of you know, I had 7 tumors on my thyroid and they removed it not too long ago, they told me it was going to be hard for me to have babies after that, maybe with treatments and things like that... When we saw Andy's oncologist he told us that same day, we start chemo on Monday but here is the bank sperm number, go on Monday before you come here, I called and made an appointment but I told Andy I am going to make an appointment just in case but lets pray about it if our answer is not I will cancel the appointment.
Our prayers were answer, obviously we were meant to just have 2 kids, one boy and one girl, obviously this was a miracle and I am so grateful with my Heavenly Father for the opportunity that he gave me to be a Mom, I never got sad about the answer to my prayers, I was doubting about it when I made that appointment but when I prayed I knew this was suppose to be this way, and Andy and me decided that when the time comes, we will adopt a beautiful baby and I can't wait for that moment, I know already that that baby is watching me from Heaven and is waiting to come to earth to meet us one day... Here is when I go back to the song. "let it go" that's how I feel, how I tell to myself. Let it go!
It sounds silly but I looove this song :)
Can't hold it back anymore.
Let it go, let it go.
Turn away and slam the door.
I don't care what they're going to say.
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway.....
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do,
to test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I am free!
Like I said this is a long post I just need to say thank you to every single person that helped us today, Ms Valenzuela organized this amazing event a picnic at the park for Andy, over 200 people went today to help, eat, make donations, and more, we had a great turn out it was just beautiful to see how much people care and love Andy and our family we felt the love of our Heavenly Father, I wish I could say thank you to every single person that help but I am sure I will miss people, Liz, Richard, Rickelle, Stacey, Carisa, Heather, Lacey, Priscila, CArisa's dad, my mother in law, sister in law well the Moss family,Ms Lisa, Juli, the train ride owners, ice cream truck, Morenos bounce house, Seranos restaurant, Boulder Creek School, Paradise Bakery and even Batman!!!, and tons and tons of businesses and everyone that came it was just amazing we feel so love and so blessed it was a wonderful day thank you again!
And last thing I want to share one of the most touching things that happened to me at the picnic, a little 4 year old girl ran into me, gave me a huge huge hug and she said, I just want to tell you that I pray for your husband every night... I can not say thank you enough to everyone that is praying for us, but a prayer from a little girl just melted my heart, thank you little Lina Burgues
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