I am sorry I know I said I was going to post more details about Andy's surgery and I haven't done It yet...
Life has been so busy and crazy, I have been working really hard on my photography. So between pictures and editing, the kids and getting things ready for surgery, I haven't had any extra time to write or just to take a little break...
We are enjoying every single minute of the days before surgery. We have spent so much time together as a family and I love every single minute of it. Andy has been playing so much with the kids, they are laughing, dancing, singing or playing sports all day long. We are going to miss him so much but we know that pretty soon he will be back to normal.
His surgery will be this Wednesday at 7.30 am. We have to be there at 5.30 am, so it will be a long day. The surgery is a really complicated surgery, I didn't give any more details on Facebook because is kind of long to explain. Also because maybe I wasn't ready to talk about what my husband is going to have to suffer. But, he wants me to explain it, so he doesn't have to be explaining it, since a lot of people are worried for him and he has been getting tons of texts and phone calls wondering about the surgery.
The surgery will be an open heart surgery. The steps to this surgery are very similar to a heart surgery. When Andy had chemotherapy, the tumor shrank a lot, but unfortunately when it did, it stayed next to his heart. So when they remove his tumor, the doctor was talking about the possibility of having to cut a little piece of his heart, maybe leave it open or maybe just put a patch on his heart. Another thing that will probably happen, and I say probably because the doctor said that she can't confirm anything until she sees how things are during the surgery, is that we have two nerves on each side of our lungs, the nerves are the ones that are in charge of getting air into your lungs and getting the air out. Well, Andy's tumor is against that nerve, kind of covering this nerve. So they are probably going to remove it. This will make it that Andy won't be able to breathe as normal as he was used to because his lungs will be working with just one nerve. Something else that they are going to do is, yes it was true that they found another two tumors on the other side, on Andy's right lung, they are not that big but the surgeon wants to remove them before they become a problem. So they are also going to cut part of his lungs and kind of staple them. In order to do this surgery they need to cut Andy's chest bones and ribs, it is a pretty big incision, they will put his bones together with some surgical wire. He will have to stay 3 days in the hospital if everything goes good, and then he will be in recovery for 6 to 8 weeks. After those 6 to 8 weeks, he needs to go back (probably) so they can remove the wires that they used to keep the bones together..
After all of this, he will have to do another PET scan so they can see how his tumor markers are, we hope that they go back to normal but if they don't., he will need to have radiation.
To be honest the day that we found out how things were going to be, I tried to be okay all day long, and that night I lost it, I was so afraid. I was scared, I was so sad knowing that after everything Andy has to do something else. Seeing him during chemo was horrible and in my eyes, I felt like that was enough. But things got better and after several times praying I finally went back to my first answer that I got, Andy is going to be okay. No one told me how long or what it was going to take in order for him to be okay, but someone told me that he was going to be okay and I need to keep reminding myself that it is going to be this way.
This Friday we went to the Temple. We both felt the need to go to this amazing place and get a little closer to our Heavenly Father. Since the minute that we got there, I felt so much peace. I felt like I didn't have to pretend anymore to anyone how I really felt, I felt like I was finally able to just show how weak and tired I feel about this situation. After we were done and we got into the Celestial room, I started crying not as usual, I started crying like a little kid, I remember I saw once a little boy got lost at a shopping center I remember his face, his tears, he was so scared, he felt lost. Well, I was crying the exactly same way that that little boy. I felt like I didn't have to pretend to be the strong woman that I have been trying to be for the past 6 months. I finally gave myself the opportunity to open my heart and get all my feelings out, I remember that I took a minute to explain to Andy what was happening. I told him, "it feels like I can even hear Heavenly Father telling me, Leyla it's okay. You can cry, it's okay to be scared, it's okay to be sad. Don't worry I am here to hug you, I am here to wipe your tears. You can be honest with me because I already know how you feel. It's okay not to be strong, as long as you know that what I promised you is the truth. Being afraid, it's okay"..... I felt so so much better after we left the Temple.
And to be honest, I am still afraid, I am still nervous. I mean, an open heart surgery? it is a lot to take in, but every time that I find myself with all these questions, I look at Andy and I see what an amazing man he is. He always has a smile on his face, even with everything that is happening to him. He is so positive about this situation, he always has the right words for me. He is so loving and such a good dad and I keep telling myself, this place needs someone like him. We still have so much to learn together, we still need to go to Hawaii one day, we still need to go back to Mexico. We still need to go on all those trips that we had planned. We still need to raise our kids and show them how much we love them. We still have to get old like we always talk about. We used to tell each other that we are going to be one of those 99 year old couples holding hands and kissing and having fun and making jokes together, and I believe and I know that it will be this way.
I know that everyone is praying for him, for me, for my kids, and I am so grateful for that. But, please please keep him in your prayers especially this week. I know that Heavenly Father is listening to every single one of your prayers and I know that He will keep showing us how much He loves us.
We love you all we are so blessed to have you in our lives. This journey is not over but every day we feel we are closer to the end...
