It has been a very confusing week for me, not that much crying but a roller-coaster of emotions, confusion, instability and a little bit of everything...
Mostly feeling guilty for the times where I smile or laugh, or for realizing that things are more under a routine when I feel like I should be still like 2 weeks ago. Things seem to slowly be more under control , the kids are doing a little better and we have had a better week if I can call it that...but today I want to talk about something that happened to me today...
Today Andy has been so close to me, I have been thinking about him all day long...
The first time Andy went to Hospice of the Valley, he was there for almost two weeks. It's not that you want to be in a hospice facility but I have great memories from this place, I absolutely love all the staff and I met a very special person there. Annie. Annie is a sweet elderly lady who had Cancer, such a sweet heart, she loved my kids, David, Mia and my niece Nitzia used to stop by her room that was next door to Andy's room and say hi to her, sing songs to her, give her flowers, kisses, and she loved to see them so much.
I remember one day Annie had some flowers that someone gave her and she was so happy to give them to Mia. I also had the pleasure of meeting her Daugther, such a wonderful girl, she was always there with Annie, day and night, during the entire time that we were there, her Daugther was there too, except when she went home and shower or things like that. When she did that, I used to sneak in Annie's room and sing to her "Sweet Annie" by Zac Brown Band.
After those weeks we came back home and Annie stayed at the hospice, the second time around when Andy died, she was there still. Today I went to take pictures, my pictures were by the hospice where Andy died and I have been taking the kids to a support group that is held next to the hospice. My friend was watching the kids while I took pictures and we were going to meet there so the kids and I could attend support group.
I got there 15 minutes earlier than my friend so I remembered that at the hospice they had a vending machine and I had a dollar so I told myself I need a coke! I walked into the hospice and I saw one of my favorite nurses, Hanna, she said hey how are you? did you hear about Annie? I said no, I just came to get a coke. She said you should stop by and see her she is not doing good. I said I would love to see Annie...
I went to Annie's room, same room, as I walked in all this emotions were so fresh and close, thinking about the way Andy looked when he was so close to that moment. I was touching Annies head softly and touching her arm and I was thinking Annie its okay to go, I am sure Andy is waiting for you he will hold your hand don't be afraid it's okay to go, you need to rest... right at that moment Annie took her last breath and died right there next to me, same way my Andy did, same sound, same face, same everything, just like 6 weeks ago, Annie went back to her home in Heaven, right there with me.
Her son was not in the room, he just left to make a phone called and her beloved Daugther left the hospice for a minute so she was not there. It is amazing to realize how much Heavenly Father is aware of me, how much He loves me and trusts me and gave me this amazing opportunity to be so close to Him today, to feel all those angels in that room one more time, to say Leyla, thank you for being here helping Annie, Andy is here too and he is around you more than you can possible imagine.
Remember these moments where you feel Andy closer than ever because he is always here. Sweet Annie today you brought so much peace and comfort to my heart. I know Andy was there with you and me holding our hands today.
After I got home Annie's Daugther called me crying saying thank you, she said how grateful she was that I was there and that I will always be in her heart, she said thank you for not letting her go alone. She knew Andy and you were there.
You have no idea how blessed I feel for being there with you. Life is so short but so beautiful, Rest in peace Sweet Annie
Love, Leyla
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5ISTO6GiLk
