WOW... I just realized I haven't stopped by this blog for so long... Honestly I have been trying to stay away from the social media, taking a needed break and just using it for business, but today someone asked me about the blog and I opened it and I started reading some of my old posts and omgosh I just can't believe this just happened to us..
As you know, Andy was told that he is in remission few weeks ago, it was one of the happiest days of our life, we are SO excited and we feel so blessed, like I said the other day, life will never ever be the same, this Cancer thing changed us for the rest of our life, we didn't lose anything.
I feel like we just won in this entire situation but honestly it definitely marked our family... I never posted any of these pictures of Andy's surgery, he didn't want me to post them back then, I am thinking he didn't want people to see him this weak and in all this pain, but today I asked him if he felt okay with me posting them and he said yes..
I remember those days, the "surgery week.” To start our "surgery week" we crashed our car in the parking lot of the hospital! Isn't that crazy? I remember when we did, Andy looked at me probably expecting to have a crazy mad face because I love my van (yes I love my van LOL) and I just said, ooh well there is nothing that we can do right now, you are having surgery today and I don't care about my car at all, my car still looks the same, we haven't been able to fix it but I can still drive it so that's all I care about...
anyways, that's how we started that day... He ended up not having surgery that day but two days later, and I call his surgery a miracle, an act of faith... The doctor didn't have to open his chest, they did everything on his side and they were able to take it all and no radiation?? And being in remission in less than 6 months? It truly was a miracle...
That week was so special for me, yes I was so sad to have my husband in an ICU bed, but I felt so good, so happy to be able to help him so much, as I went back in our marriage, I can't remember not even one day were I felt so helpful and so important, I knew he needed me, I knew that having me there made him feel good, I felt so loved and so blessed, every night in that hospital room, I felt honestly and I hope you don't feel that I am just preaching but I felt how my Heavenly Father was sitting right there next to me, telling me, you can do this, you can do this, don't be afraid I am here, you can do this.
Honestly now that I go back I have no idea how I did it but we did it... I never left Andy's side for those 5 days, my kids missed me so much but Andy needed me more I remember I slept in this little bench that they had for 4 nights, I remember the pain that Andy was in, and how much that hurt me, but we did it, we had faith and the very first answer that we had 6 months ago was confirmed again...
He is doing amazing. He is feeling better every day, he still gets so tired, he still sore and he still can't do everything that he wants, but he is so so much better now, his smile is completely back, I can hear his laugh all of the time, he can play with the kids, he can spend quality time with the kids and me, he is slowly getting back to normal and I love it.. Sometimes when we are in the car and I hear a song I instantly start crying and he asks me what's wrong? I say, nothing is wrong, that song makes me cry because I remember that they used to play it in the radio over and over when I was driving you to the Cancer Center and I remember every time I turned and looked at you and that picture of you being so sick comes back to my head, oh I wish I could forget those moments..
It changed me, sometimes can't sleep thinking about how my Andy was, I remember especially one day in particular when he got so sick, he lost about 15 lbs that weekend, he was throwing up so much not eating just laying there in bed, I remember that day when I looked at him and I felt so scared, so afraid, I remember the feeling and thinking please Heavenly Father don't let him die, he truly looked like he was dying, and it was the most horrible feeling ... I can't describe how happy our family feels, my kids, oh my kids, they missed him so much, they love to hang out with him, they love our family homes evenings, our little "tradition" of going to Sonic every Monday and singing like crazies in the car with the music so loud and mom and dad dancing and singing on the top of our lungs.
They are SO happy to have those moments back... My poor Mia the other day I had to go take pictures at a Quinceanera party, I came back about 1.30 in the morning to find her not asleep,I talked to her and she started crying and she said, please please don't go to the hospital again please don't take daddy... It broke my heart, she thought I left her to take daddy to the hospital, even my little one's life was so touched by this Cancer...
It has been hard for me to go back to "normal" life, it has been hard for me to go out and socialize with friends, to go out to hang out or pretty much anything, I have no idea why but I feel like I don't want to and can't leave my family, I know I need to move on and just enjoy life but as of right now all I want is be next to Andy and the kids...
We have to go back to the cancer Center in few weeks, he has to get checked every 3 months, for a year, then every 4, then every 6, then once a year, I can't explain the anxiety that I feel about these check ups. I just can hope to stay strong and positive and like I said, enjoy every little thing with him and my kids... Thanks again everyone for your help and support in the last 6 months, we totally feel your love and your prayers... We love you and we hope we can give back everything that you guys did for us...
The other day Andy shared his testimony at our church, he said some beautiful words that I wish would have written them down but I didn't, all I can say is that he is such a special man, dad and husband... I can't believe everything that he did for us, fighting llike he did, I am so proud of him I love him and respect him, he is my hero and my everything and I can't wait to spend more and more years next to him...
